Hey there adoring fans (Mark from the Oyster Bar)!

Jeez!  This Hurricane Sandy business is really putting a damper on my bucket list.  All of the trains in Manhattan are down (so I can’t go anywhere beyond a 10 block radius) Central Park is closed (Ruby will only pee on grass, so I keep having to pick up piles of leaves and stack them on top of each other to simulate a lawn of sorts), and my stock of red wine has really taken a hit.  So yesterday, after spending a solid 48 hours (minus doggy bathroom time) in the apartment.  I got my ass up and walked to the Harlem Tavern (which was surprisingly rocking) and I…

ORDERED A WHISKEY NEAT…AND LOOKED COOL DOING SO!

I’ve always wanted to do this, but never really had the courage to do it on my own.  Not knowing much about whiskey (besides doing shots of Jack Honey out of my coworkers belly button) I asked the bartender what he recommended that was good to sip but wouldn’t take all of my hard earned one dollar bills.  He offered me a heavy pour of 12 year Jameson.

 My secret plan worked!  The best way to look cool while drinking whiskey is to wear a fedora!

Now here’s where the love part comes in…

While trying very hard to resist pounding the drink in one swift gulp, I noticed I was sitting between 2 gentlemen that had arrived at the Harlem Tavern alone.  I thought “Hmm? Maybe this whiskey and fedora combo would give me some extra sex appeal?” so I decided to try my luck at flirting.   Would I go with the tall sexy tattooed guy on my left?  Or the cute guy with Harry Potter glasses on my right?  I “accidentally” bumped elbows with tattoo guy on my left, but only got a destracted head nod (don’t be jealous of my flirting skills), so I went for the guy on the right. I made some silly comment about the soccer game on TV (bingo, he’s British!) and ended up having an hour or so of great conversation (tons of penis jokes).  He fit all of my requirements in a man.  He was older than me but not too old (been there done that), taller than me but not too tall (been there done that too), and was funny but not funnier than me (because that would be physically impossible).  As I got more intoxicated from the delicious drink (I never thought I would actually enjoy sipping whiskey, I just wanted to look badass), this fellow and I shared laughs, lingering glances, and a bucket of fries.   By the time I finished my drink (plus 4-7 beers) I got up the nerve for my signature line…

“So, I’m wasted.  I gotta go home.  Do you want my phone number or something?”  (I know, what you’re thinking.  How can this suave poetic girl still possibly be single?).

As I grabbed a pen to write down my phone number, I heard the magical words I hear all too often…

“Hey, it was really nice meeting you…but…I sort of have a girlfriend.  I mean you’re awesome and all.  Oh man, this is awkward….we could be facebook friends?”

I stumbled home with my new found love for whiskey and without my dignity (and the $68 that I spent on my ‘effing bar tab), and I came to realize that falling in love before the world ends (or ever) is really unlikely.  But you know what?  A girls gotta try!

Cheers!

Hey there adoring fans (all of the tri-state area that’s about to get their asses handed to them)!

Hurricane Sandy is on her way!  The lines at Trader Joes, Whole Foods, and every liquor store in Manhattan are crazy!  Everyone in the city is scrambling to get ready for this massive storm that is scheduled to hit us tomorrow afternoon.  Central Park was closed at 5pm, the MTA stopped train service at 7 o’clock, and I can’t find another bottle of Cabernet to save my life.

It’s here people…

 The perfect time for us to practice our DRILLS FOR DECEMBER 21st!

Think of Hurricane Sandy as the perfect time to rehearse getting your s*it together for the EOW.

(For the remainder of this post, we shall refer to category “A” as what you should do in preparation for Hurricane Sandy, and category “B” as what you should do in preparation for the End of the World).

1.  Make sure your flashlights are filled with fresh batteries, and you have plenty of candles and matches on hand so that…

A.  You can see where you’re going in the event that the power goes out.

B.  You are ready to stun approaching Space Zombies as they are about to eat your brains.

2.  Fill your bathtub with water so that…

A.  You will have plenty of water to help flush your toilet in the event that you lose water.

B.   You can quickly submerge yourself (or a friend) in the event of fire balls falling from the sky.

3.  Shatter proof your windows with tape so that…

A.  Branches or other debris don’t shatter your windows.

B.  The devil  thinks your home has been marked as “this home is already evil, move on my fellow demons”.

4.  Make sure to have cell phones and laptop computers fully charged so that…

A.  You will have as many forms of communication as possible when power is no longer available.

B.  When your face melts off, you will be able to post a silly pic of said face melting on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other form of social media you prefer.

5.  Be sure to have “Wee Wee Pads” available so that…

A.  Your four legged friends can use the “powder room” indoors.

B.  You can absorb any bodily fluid leaking from the lesions left by the swarms of flesh hungry locusts.

6.  Have a battery powered clock radio on hand so that…

A.  You can listen to the updated weather forecasts and traffic reports.

B.  When the mothership announces that they are offering the human race a ride to the homeland  you can be the first to get in line.

It’s time to be prepared America.  Let’s have a safe and sound Hurricane Sandy, and an even safer and sounder Apocalypse!

PS:  A special thanks to the models…

Abby:  my awesome roommate/drinking buddy.

Matt:  my friend/professional model who is really excited about his Christopher Robin Halloween costume.

John: my other awesome roommate (and is the grown-up that made us hurricane proof our apartment…Abby and I just bought booze).

Johanna:  John’s friend that was wicked at catchphrase tonight.

Me: awesome in any way shape or form.

Jordan:  our new neighbor that recently moved into our building and is very fun (but needs to up his game on Balderdash).

Hi adoring fans (Shannon Hicks…no relation)!

Day 8 is brought to you by my pal, Jessica Dillan.  J Dogg,  as I like to call her, checked out Day 4 on the old blog here, and noticed that I needed to RENT A CAR AND DRIVE THROUGH FOLIAGE before the EOW.  Like a true chorus-girl-friend (not all that different from a regular girlfriend.  Just more (bad) harmonizing to Taylor Swift songs, and less wearing clothes in dressing rooms during intermission), she offered to take me along (road trip!) to drop off her boyfriend at the airport, and after which she said, “the world is our oyster”! (Not to be confused with worlds of clams, mussels, or snails…nobody wants the world as your snail). So what did we do?

WE DROVE THROGH FOLIAGE all the way up to a not-so-far-away land called “Connecticut”!

(Sexy picture.  I know.  Whatever.  I have a Droid.)

Something you should know about me (I mean, it’s been 9 days, we should probably get to know each other a little better, I’m more than just a hot body with the features of an infant…I have a brain too ya know), I LOVE FALL (and relatively short walks on the beach)!  It’s my most favorite time of year, and I couldn’t let the earth explode without taking a day to enjoy her and all her lady parts have to offer (the Earth’s lady parts, NOT J Dogg’s).

Also, I’d like to take this time to give a shout out to the Mayans for ending the world right at the end of my fave season and not at some other dismal part of the year like July 29th or April 15th.

So here is the adventure of J Dogg and Spunky Brewster (what? That’s my street name…if I ever take to the streets…it could happen), in a
little town called East Haddam, where the leaves are ‘a changin’, the apples are ripe for the pickin’, and stoplights are ready for the Chinese Fire Drillin’!

Here’s I am becoming one with the foliage…

Here’s JDogg being attacked by the foliage…I suggested she should become one with it instead …

What makes for better foliage fun then a random bunch of old used tires? I think there was a whimsical family of snakes living there…

Look! A pumpkin patch….

J Dogg wanted to get in some cross fit training…

PS: Don’t worry my musical theatre fans. I def stopped by La Vita Gustosa for a beverage 🙂

And the Goodspeed Opera House to say “Are you guys hiring? I could really use one of your crazy long contracts to get some health insurance. No?…moving on”

What a wonderful day filled with foliage and friends…

Yes, I pluralised “friends” because this tree and I are now buddies (just don’t tell it I’m on facebook. I can totally tell it’s the type of tree to take pictures of it’s food and post them in my newsfeed).

Hey there adoring fans (that means you Mom)!

So, being that this is both my first blog and first apocalypse, I’ve decided to take a minute to organize some thoughts.  Sure, I’ve got all of these things I need to get done before the world ends, but how are some of them going to get done unless I start planning?   For example, this Halloween I’ve finally decided to dress up as the Coppertone Baby.  I’ve wanted to do it for about 5 years now, but every Halloween I cop out because I don’t have my s*it together.  I’d also like to get caught up on Greys Anatomy, but I’m only half way through Season 7 on Netflix.   I mean, is Meredith ever going to get pregnant or will her hostile uterus leave she and Derek barren?  This s*it is going to take some strategizing.  So today I started a list of the things I need to get done while the planet is still up and running.  Don’t worry.  I’ve also included a list of things I need to get done after December 22nd.

To do list before December 21st

To do list for after December 22nd

Just 2 things I need to ask:

1.  Does anybody know Tina Fey?

2.  Who’s around on November 10th to help me try on wedding dresses?

Hey adoring fans (aka my new neighbor that I made read my blog today)!

Sooooo, tonight I am going to do something that I’ve done before, but wanted to make sure to do again before the EOW and tonight seems like a perfect night!

Ready for it?

Best thing to do on a rainy night in Manhattan?

Are you on the edge of your seat?

Drum roll please…

I’m going to go to the movies….AND smuggle in boxed wine!

Come on!  We’ve all done it.  It’s fun.  I hope to do it again before the EOW but I have so many things to get done, I’m not sure if I’ll have time (the lottery is not going to win itself).  The movie: Frankenweenie.  Yes, I know it’s a kids movie, but it’s Tim Burton and it’s almost Halloween, and it got good reviews, and my dog is my best friend, and shut the Hell up I don’t care what you think.  I hope everyone gets a chance to do it before the end of you know what!

Now the only question is…. cabernet or pinot noir?

1 carton of wine, 2 friends, and 3 or so hours later….

Frankenweenie was awesome!  My neighbors (Bridgette and Justin…very cool cats) joined me to the Lincoln Center Lowes to see the movie.   Then we all came home and hugged our dogs 🙂

Hey adoring fans (Craig and my Dad)!

Just getting off work and wanted to make sure I logged in.  Today, what I wanted to try before the EOW was to get a pedicure for no particular reason.  People do it all of the time.  Rich ladies, not so rich ladies, rich dudes, not so rich dudes get pedicures all the time.  I, myself have only been pedicured in the past for big “totally worth it” reasons like weddings, vacations, or Grecian Sandal modeling (I’ve never Grecian Sandal modeled ).  Stay tuned to how I feel about it.

The next day….

Alright.

Here’s how I feel about pedicures for no reason.

They’re dumb.

My toes are now callus free (I’m gonna miss those guys), cuticle free (I could take or leave those guys) 8 toes are painted purple and $38 are missing from my wallet. 8 toes you ask?   I say 8 because both my pinky toes have that weird thing where there’s not really a toenail there and in the past I just painted the patch of skin where the toenail should be so that no one would notice.  I don’t know who would really care.  I’m pretty sure there is no such thing as the toenail police, but if there were I’m sure they’d have bigger fish to fry than going after my lack of pinky toenails.  I’ve seen some pretty gnarly toe nails out there that the toenail authorities would be more interested in policing.  Like that hobo that lives in the  subway station downtown who wears a full snow suit year round that covers everything except his thick, yellowing toenails which are on display because he converted his snow boots into peeptoes…which you and I know are SO last season.  I digress.  Back to the pedicure.  What I did love about the experience was opting for the extra 10 minute foot massage.  I just closed my eyes and imagined that my sweet little asian lady was and oiled up UFC fighter name Lars.  Totally worth $10.  So from now until the apocalypse I shall only get pedicures when necessary, but go into nail salons for lubed up foot massages whenever I damn well please.

Hello adoring fans (nobody)!

My first order of business is to finally see the last Harry Potter movie.

Like most 20 somethings that call themselves Americans, I have read every single Harry Potter book the moment they came out, and seen every Harry Potter Movie in theaters immediately on or after opening night.  Unfortunately, when the last movie came out, I was in Beverly Massachusetts performing as a dancing Gorilla in a production of Tarzan, one of my best portrayals of a dancing animal since the prior year when I played the front end of a dancing cow.  Trust me, you always want to be the front end.   Everyone in the cast went to see the midnight screening of the Deathly Hallows Part II.  Everyone but me (sad face).  You see, I was stuck back at the hotel with the flue (hangover) and couldn’t make it to the showing.   I intended to see the movie after that with some other friends, but everyone had already seen it (sad face), and as much as I love to go to the movies by myself (lonely face), time just got away from me.  So here I am a year and a half later still so curious as to how it all goes down.  Not to mention that it is conveniently showing on HBO on demand, which will help keep me in my budget (currently twenty seven dollars) for other EOW endeavors.  Will I say, “I mean, it was ok but the book was so much better”?  Probably.  But the planet can not vanish without me seeing the truth for myself!  Who knows, maybe this will be the time when I can finally say, “No way, this movie was way better than that stupid book.  J.K Rowling really should take some pointers from these screenwriters!”.  We shall see.  We shall see indeed.