Dear Underwear Drawer,
Today your life is about to change. In about 6 hours you will no longer be filled with the underwear of the past. No more garments that date back to my first year of college. No more nude g-strings with my name sharpied on the tag from countless regional theatres all over the US and Canada. No more pairs of underwear that I bought in a size too small for me that are left unworn because they give me the unfortunate underpants-muffin-top. Gone are the 3 pairs that I keep around for that “special time of the month” (Sorry dudes, had to mention it. Ladies, you feel me!). No. From this day forward you shall be filled with the beautiful shiny new underwear of the future. Underwear from such extravagant retailers as H&M, aeri, and the notoriously scandalous Victorias Secret. Yes, underwear drawer, today is the day that Sarah will reclaim what is right for her bum!
Your humble servant,