Day 176: Texticles

Hey there adoring fans (Haley Houck!)

Some people think that technology has ruined the realm of dating.  “Why can’t he just pick up the phone and call?  What’s with all the text messaging?”  Well, I for one LOVE what technology has done for dating!  Nothing can make me giddier than the exchange of flirty messaging.  I’m not discriminatory.  I’ll text message, Facebook message, Gchat, and Tinder (ok, I don’t really Tinder…I just go on the app once a month…scroll through some pics until someone messages me…get nervous that they’re a serial killer…and then throw my phone in the toilet.)  If I have a day filled with flirty messages, I’m happier than a pig in a blanket…or is it shit?…I’m happier than a pig in a shit-blanket!!  My only problem is that I tend take my messaging to a weird place.  Sometimes I like to think that I’ve mastered the art of cleverly adorable flirty messaging…but then sometimes I go through my messages and question why no one is making out with me.


They usually start off pretty normal…

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But inevitably they get weird.  Here are actual messages (in random order) that I’ve sent to boys that I’ve wanted to make out with at any given point in time…or have already made out with and were hoping to get them to make out again…or wanted to make out with but also needed to make appointments with them to come fix the gas pipes in our apartment.

So, if you’re a boy that I’ve wanted to make out with…or made out with…or were hired to fix the gas pipes in my apartment…and you read my blogs…and you didn’t realize that I wanted to make out with you…or make out with you again…or make out with you while you were fixing my gas pipes… because all I did was send you weird messages…well now you know…I wanted to make out with you.


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Some of these message exchanges have gone pretty well.  I’ve gotten some nice responses…

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One day, I might marry a dignified man and have civilized conversation about politics, philosophy, and health coverage…but until then, if you wanna Jesus sex talk…send me a message…just not on Tinder.

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