Hey there adoring fans ( Mom and Dad )!
Previously on SixtySixDaysofSarah…
Twas 2 days before Thanksgiving, when all through the house,
Little Sarah was drinking, she sure was a louse.
The recipes were Pintrested on her computer with care,
this year she would cook her first turkey,
she would have to grow a pair…
To Be Continued….
Then she continued…
‘Twas the day before Thanksgiving, November twenty first,
Little Sarah was so excited she wanted to burst!
See, Sarah knew she had a big task in store,
for she had never cooked Thanksgiving dinner before.
As she entered the Whole Foods on West One Hundreth Street,
Little Sarah grew worried,
it’s been months since she cooked meat.
She gave up vegetarianism for one day this year,
and had chosen a free-range bird that had not lived in fear.
She called the bird Armond, for it only seemed fair,
to name the poor chap and give him plenty gay flair.
Next on the menu was sauteed brussels sprouts,
Rachel Ray had recommended it, though some had their doubts.
This side Rachel swore would make our her meal great,
And if the guests don’t like them whatevs’
Haters gonna hate
Now for everyone’s favorite, mashed potatoes, yipee!
Let’s hope the non-dairy version will be as cream-y.
‘Cause there’s no milk, cheese, or butter for poor roommate John,
for they will light his ass on fire and to the toilet he’ll be gone.
Then came the herbs, sage, rosemary, and thyme
they shall be rubbed on Armond, ’cause his boobs be so fine.
The recipe says to rub between the skin and breast,
“that’s what she said!” Sarah bellowed, now back to the quest.
Cranberry sauce, screw it, we’re buying a can,
and for the love of God…
are you there Tina Fey, I’m an effing huge fan!
This sugar’s expensive, this price is a scam,
let’s go somewhere cheaper,
stop judging, Flat Pam…
Now where is Flat Sarah?
She always get’s lost.
Oh, here she is fella’s
again getting sauced.
It’s back to this list ’cause we still need some yams,
or sweet potatoes or whatever I don’t give a damn.
If you were marshmallows where would you be?
Whatever, we’re leaving ’cause I’ve gotta pee.
Well that about does it for this shopping spree,
hope my good friend Bridget doesn’t kill me!
(it’s not super fun to take 200 pictures of your neighbor while grocery shopping)
Then Sarah came home to the Upper Upper Westside,
her shopping had been completed, she was glowing with pride.
Fingers crossed everybody, that her guests will stay living…
and from the bottom of her heart…have a Happy Thanksgiving
The last photo of you as a cart lady is supreme, but we all know who the REAL little Sarah is (please stand up…)