Day 34: Ready for some pictures of food?

Hey there adoring fans (Andrew and Sarah Briedis)!

Hey there everybody!   As this is may very well be the last Thanksgiving before we’re sucked into a black hole (or December 22nd will come and we can go back to our happy humdrum lives), I decided to…

Cook my first Thanksgiving Dinner!

Like most of you jolly people, I have contributed a side dish (bottle of wine) or dessert (jello shots) to Thanksgiving dinners in the past, but I had never planned, cooked, and hosted an entire Thanksgiving myself.  I recruited my neighbor Bridget (who had also never cooked Thanksgiving dinner) to help…

We started the day at 1pm with a estimated dinner start time of 6pm.  I learned that planning Thanksgiving dinner is a lot like stage managing a show…a show with lots of booze.

Cheers to a (hopefully, or else we’ll have to call and order Chinese food) successful day!

 Notice our apartment’s autumnal flair leftover from our Oktoberfest (drunken A-holes) party.

Oh no!  Our outfits are so nice.  What if we spill Armond (the Turkey) juice all over ourselves?

I have an idea!

Now it’s time to prep the Turkey.  His name is Armond.  He weighs 13lbs and was raised on a nice farm with his brothers and sisters and died of natural causes and his will and living testament was to be eaten on Thanksgiving by very nice people.

Warning: here come a lot of (mildly entertaining) pictures of food.  If this was a facebook post…I’d stab myself in the eye.

Me and Armond.

Me fingering Armond (relax…it’s a cooking term that means “stick your fingers in the turkey hole then give the “come hither” gesture, you pervs).

Next came the…

brussels sprouts!  Who knew they grew like dingle berries on a stick?

Then…

more wine!

Then gravy…

and more wine…

Then neighbor Bridgette cut the carrots…

look how fancy! (Please don’t cut off your finger neighbor bridget…I’m out of band aids and reaction time).

While her husband Justin peeled potatoes (watched football and drank beer)…

We’re almost there!  Oh, wait.  No we’re not.  Armond is taking longer to cook than recommended  because of stupid New York City ovens.  Looks like we’re not eating at 6…or 7…

The crowd grew impatient…

Just kidding…they were fine (and apparently pensive).

Then Danny (the detective) discovered that the pop up timer was broken.

Eventually… Armond was done!  Danny was the only one with carving experience (was the only one that hadn’t had 3 bottles of wine already and could be trusted with sharp objects) so he carved!

And then the feast began!
(Followed by lots of games, and you guessed it…drinking!)

Look at my marvelous plate of food!

That I continued to enjoy the next morning (hungover)!

Day 32: Thanksgiving continued…

Hey there adoring fans ( Mom and Dad )!

Previously on SixtySixDaysofSarah…

Twas 2 days before Thanksgiving, when all through the house,

Little Sarah was drinking, she sure was a louse.

The recipes were Pintrested on her computer with care,

this year she would cook her first turkey,

she would have to grow a pair…

To Be Continued….

Then she continued…

‘Twas the day before Thanksgiving, November twenty first,

Little Sarah was so excited she wanted to burst!

See, Sarah knew she had a big task in store,

for she had never cooked Thanksgiving dinner before.

As she entered the Whole Foods on West One Hundreth Street,

Little Sarah grew worried,

it’s been months since she cooked meat.

She gave up vegetarianism for one day this year,

and had chosen a free-range bird that had not lived in fear.

She called the bird Armond, for it only seemed fair,

to name the poor chap and give him plenty gay flair.

Next on the menu was sauteed brussels sprouts,

Rachel Ray had recommended it, though some had their doubts.

This side Rachel swore would make our her meal great,

And if the guests don’t like them whatevs’

Haters gonna hate

 

Now for everyone’s favorite, mashed potatoes, yipee!

Let’s hope the non-dairy version will be as cream-y.

‘Cause there’s no milk, cheese, or butter for poor roommate John,

for they will light his ass on fire and to the toilet he’ll be gone.

Then came the herbs, sage, rosemary, and thyme

they shall be rubbed on Armond, ’cause his boobs be so fine.

The recipe says to rub between the skin and breast,

“that’s what she said!” Sarah bellowed, now back to the quest.

Cranberry sauce, screw it, we’re buying a can,

and for the love of God…

are you there Tina Fey, I’m an effing huge fan!

 This sugar’s expensive, this price is a scam,

let’s go somewhere cheaper,

stop judging, Flat Pam…

Now where is Flat Sarah?

She always get’s lost.

Oh, here she is fella’s

again getting sauced.

It’s back to this list ’cause we still need some yams,

or sweet potatoes or whatever I don’t give a damn.

If you were marshmallows where would you be?

Whatever, we’re leaving ’cause I’ve gotta pee.

Well that about does it for this shopping spree,

hope my good friend Bridget doesn’t kill me!

(it’s not super fun to take 200 pictures of your neighbor while grocery shopping)

Then Sarah came home to the Upper Upper Westside,

 her shopping had been completed, she was glowing with pride.

 Fingers crossed everybody, that her guests will stay living…

and from the bottom of her heart…have a Happy Thanksgiving