Day 50something: Don’t Cry for me ArgenTINA!!

Hey there adoring fans (Caitlin Maura)!

If we go back eons (or just 3 months ago) you’ll notice that I have a little thing (in an admiring way…not a gay way…not that I would throw her out of bed because she would probably just lay there saying hilarious things all night…and bring along a sandwich) for the one and only

Tina Fey…

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In fact, one of my goals before the End of the World (this blog originally began as a bucket list of things I wanted to do before D-day/December 21st…I also tried my first raw oyster…impressed?)  was to meet her.  I even went so far as to send her an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner in the shape of a

hand turkey…



And when that didn’t work I spent an entire Sunday afternoon  at the restaurant where a friend had told me she saw her having brunch one time…


She never showed.

(Side note: You’ll notice I wore a very calculated outfit in the hopes that we would be wearing the same sweater so I could say “Hey!  Same sweater!  Did you plan this..wink wink?  Let’s be friends.  I wear glasses for distance.”)

And thanks to a treaty made with the Space Zombies, the world did not end ( everyone knows it was the Space Zombies that were after us…not the Mayans…duh) and I now had an infinite amount of time to meet Tina Fey, find her on Facebook, and wear those little heart necklaces where her’s says “Best” and mine says “Friends 4 Eva”.  With no deadline in sight, I could finally relax.  I turned 30, reevaluated my life and started making new goals for myself.  I re-read The Secret and   created a vision board of all of the things I wanted for my future, and as you can see…

Tina was still there, right at the top!

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(and oddly enough, the Family Guy episode featuring Ryan Reynolds came on that night…his picture is on the right had cork-board-flower petal because he is going to be my pool boy…when I get really rich and buy a pool…for my rooftop…of my very own Manhattan Skyscraper…that only has 4 floors because I’m kinda afraid of heights…)

 I added in some more Improv classes to my schedule, continued to work on my screenplay, and started saving my pennies so that soon I could take and acting for TV and Film course.  All of which are things I believe Tina would be proud of.  I kept trucking along and one day, as luck would have it, I got the call.  My friend Sarah’s husband Andrew was a personal trainer in the city and just happened to be the personal-trainer-of-James-Lipton’s-wife’s-boss (say that 5 times fast).  She had been offered tickets for a very special Inside the Actors Studio, but was going to be out of town and asked Andrew if he had any friends that might be interested. And lucky for me Andrew is a big fan of my blog,


on Tuesday March 26th, I was invited to a filming of Inside the Actors Studio with guest artist…my hero…Tina Fey!

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And like any good student (stalker) I took some notes that I would like to share with you.

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 Here are my favorite quotes from the evening:

“Only in mid 90’s comedy does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity.”  -when asked to interview for a writing position at SNL, as Lorne was looking for diversity.

“Do you want me, or do you want (me to do) Will Ferrell’s me?” – James Lipton when asked to perform as himself in a film.

“Fuck it.  They can’t fire me.  I don’t work here anymore.”when approached by SNL to do Sarah Palin.

“Writing is tedious, painful, and boring until it’s done.  Then it’s Thrilling.” – when asked about her process.

“These sketches were not just funny, they were history.” – James Lipton on Tina’s Sarah Palin sketches.

“He’s a hilarious character actor in a leading man’s skull.” – when asked about working with Alec Baldwin.

“They have to talk fast and not paraphrase.” – on auditioning actors for 30 Rock.

“Shhhh…don’t speak. – what her father said to her after a stranger had stabbed her in the face.

“Shitballs.” – when asked what her favorite curse word was.

“Your job is to be a director.  Your job is not to teach people that women can be directors” – when asked about women working in a man’s world.

“Talent is not sexually transmitted.  You don’t have to have sex with someone talented to get talent.” when giving advice to the female acting majors.

“You’re roommates with Oprah!” – when asked what she hoped God would say to her when he met her at the Pearly Gates.

Don’t eat Lean Cuisines.” – more advice about working with men.

“The nice thing about improv is you learn how to fail.  Five times out of ten it’s going to be terrible.  Failing in front of an audience.  You know it’s not going to kill you.” – on the benefits of Improv.

Clearly defined characters from the beginning.  Give everyone a clear point of view.  4 white girls living in an apartment.  Not so clear.” – on the success of writing for 30 Rock.

“Laughter” – when asked what was her turn on.

“Cowardice” – when asked what was her turn off.

“If I was just an actress none of this would have happened.” – the reason that I get a lady boner for her.

And just a few other fun facts

Did you know…?

  • In High School Tina wrote an anonymous comedy column for her school newspaper.
  • She met Amy Poehler in an Improv Company called Improv Olympic.
  • Darrell Hammond was actually the first SNL player to try James Lipton, but when it bombed Will Ferrell asked if he could have a stab at it.
  • Lorne Michael’s doorman was the first to offer that Tina Fey looked an awful lot like Sarah Palin.

Although I did not get to actually meet Tina (yet), I had a wonderful time listening to her speak.  She is everything I hoped she would be.  She likes the word shitballs and has done a damn good job for us women in the industry.  Oh yeah, and my vision board worked mutha fu*k@’s!

Shout out to my amazing friends Sarah Marie Jenkins Briedis and Andrew Briedis!  You are my heroes!

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(And that giant line of people are all of the students that waited outside for 6 hours in order to see the filming.  Which makes me glad that I am 30 and thanks to Andrew and Sarah, a VIP!)

*If any of you would like to subscribe to my blog to get alerted when I write new posts so that you don’t have to rely on Facebook or that batman like shadow that I post in the sky, please do.  I think there’s a ‘subscribe’ button somewhere.*


Day 65 Part II: It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday…

Hey there adoring fans (I mean it, anyone who’s read any part of this out there)!

So here it is, 12:30’ish am December 21st 2012. I’m still s*itting my pants about the space zombies but  I’m going to go ahead and say right now that this blog is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.  Whether or not the world ends, I’ve taken the time to get back to being myself (a disgusting weirdo)…being creative…and taking risks.  I cannot thank all of you readers enough for supporting me along this production.  The love and support (and amazing comments…if the world doesn’t end, take note that you can leave comments…) that I’ve received from you guys has been incredible.  I have accomplished so many things in these last 66 days that I never would have made a point to do.  I’ve also missed a few…

I never met Tina Fey…

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I never saw a live taping of SNL…

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I never fell in love…

wait for it….

In all of my pursuits to fall in love… man hunting, online dating, hookery (j/k) ,  I have yet to find that “special someone”  (although I have “made out” with several non-special someones…just to be sure).  But guess what?  I didn’t need to find  a man to fall in love with (gasp!).  I (as my friend Rebecca predicted) have fallen in love with…myself.  I really don’t mean for that to sound vain.  Seriously.  I didn’t know I had it in me.  All of my life,  I hadn’t realized that  I could become anything except a cute blonde chorus girl (who makes occasional fart jokes)  wishing and hoping that one day a gorgeous prince would come along to complete me.  Well, news flash to me…you don’t need anyone to complete you…if you are complete yourself (I know, go choke down a bag of granola why dontcha?!   Maybe hug a unicorn?!).   I’ve grown so much in my 29.95 years of life and it is 100%  thanks to all of the terrific friends and family that I have surrounded myself with (PS: my mom’s computer doesn’t have that spell check thing where there is a squiggly red line under anything you spell wrong so this blog post could be pretty bad…plus I’ve drank a bottle(s) of wind…whatevs, it’s the end of the world!).  I could go into further detail about these people these “life changers”, but A: they know who they are.  And B: I’m going to spend our last hours calling them 🙂

Here’s a fun shot of me and my (amazing)  Dad…just cause I love him.


In conclusion: I am so happy to have lived the life that I’ve been blessed with and to have met the most amazing people that the world has to offer.  Thank you all for reading my silly little blog, and I wish you all a “Happy Apocalypse!”


Day 25: Are you out there Tina Fey?

Hey there adoring Fans (John Galgano and lovely wife)

As many of you may know one of my dreams is to meet Miss. Tina Fey before our world is obliterated/ruled by martians/nothing happens and we are all fine.  She is a badass woman who (as you should totes know) was a writer for Saturday Night live, produced her own show 30 Rock,  and wrote an awesome book called Bossy Pants (plus is hilarious in every way shape and form).  So far my spectrum of working on this goal of meeting her runs from writing about it on this blog that reaches 1-12 people,  to occasionally walking around Rockefeller Center hoping to bump into her while wearing the same cardigan and say “Hey Tina!  Look, we are wearing the same cardigan.  Tell me how it is that you got to be who you are, and what the true meaning of life is?”  Unfortunately neither of those tactics have worked out, so I decided to send her a “fan” letter….

I was thinking that since she has children, arts and crafts might be the best way to go…

And then I realized this looks a little too “I just stole your loved ones and now I’m holding them hostage”  so I decided to go in another direction…

…maybe since it’s getting pretty close to Thanksgiving…

I could send her a hand turkey invitation to Thanksgiving dinner!  No, still to creepy?  Even with my headshot glued to the thumb?  Ok, here’s another tactic…

when in doubt, bring in Flat Pam…

And Flat Sarah!

Fingers crossed that this works…I’ve only got 41 days (or the rest of my existence providing that the Mayans are stupid and the world will go on for a very long time 🙂

PS: Isn’t Flat Sarah hot?

Day 16: Audience Participation…

Hey adoring fans (Steph Seiler and Nichole (Justice) Cwalina)!


“A” of all…

I’m overwhelmed with how many responses I’ve gotten from “adoring fans”! (Plus at how many angry friends that I have who are emailing me that they have yet to be listed as adoring fans… 🙂

I’m so surprised at how many people are reading (and actually enjoying) a blog written by someone with terrible grammar and a degree in Jazz Dance.  I really do (from the bottom of my drunken/splendiforous heart) appreciate each and every one of you that have taken the time to read this silly little ditty that is “my blog”.

And…”B” of all…

I can’t believe that a lot of the feedback is from people that want to help me out with my bucket list!

I’ve gotten emails from friends, relatives, “friends of friends”, “relatives of relatives”, and circus folk, who want to help me out by:  hooking me up with super-cheap Christmas Spectacular tickets (dancing bears and rockettes alike), offering me a few days at their condo in Cape Cod  ( Abby’s fam…lobster roll time!), rides through foliage (J Dogg and wonderful mamasita), and even letting me know that they have a 6th degree of separation from Tina Fey (cousin’s uncle’s step-child!).  I am so excited that you guys are willing to help a “sista” (not entirely sure that I’m allowed to use “sista” that way) out!

Keep in mind that I absolutely do NOT want any “dinero” (that’s spanish for one million dollars) from anyone.  BUT… I would love to know if any of you amazing readers out there know how to help me get “some s*it done before the EOW!”  (I will reward you all greatly with 2-4 butterfly kisses, on or after December 22nd).

Here’s What I’m Looking (and desperate) For Friends…

1.  Does anyone have any connections to SNL and could fill me in on how to get tickets?

2.  Are there any ladies who would like to come wedding dress shopping with me on November 10th, (David’s Bridal, midtown…brunch and mimosas before hand…obviously)?

3.  Any kids (or adults) interested in sending me a Flat Stanley? (I know it sounds dumb, but I don’t have any nieces/nephews, God-kids, or “for ten cents a day you can save Magdalena’s childhood”?  up for grabs to play “Flat Stanley” before the EOW).

4.  Anybody know Tina Fey?  Or maybe some sort of secret handshake I could perform at Rock Center or Gray’s Papaya to get to her?

5.  Anybody want to come to my pre-EOW 30th Birthday Party (probs December 14th or 15th)?  Or have any connections to a great place to throw a pre-EOW 30th Birthday Party?

6.   Anyone really good at photoshop? (who could make me appear 10lbs thinner or look 100k richer in any/all of my photos?)

I think that’s all for now.  If I come up with anymore I’ll let you all know.  Wait!  Is there anyone out there who knows how to beat box…and if so, could you teach a gal in 50 or so days?  If so, you should probably know I played the clarinet for 4th and 5th grade, which would probably increase my learning curve?

And…here is a silly picture of me on a very small tractor.   It has nothing to do with this post, but I was told that media encourages people to read blogs.