Hey there adoring fans (Yolanda Suarez)!
A body in motion…stays in motion….
A body watching Frasier...stays watching Frasier.
It’s not you. It’s me. I still love you. I have always loved you. From my childhood summers of Nickelodeon and Sharon Lois and Bram’s Elephant Show. Throughout my angst ridden adolescents and countless afternoons of MTV’s TRL, and after school specials. And finally rounding out my adult life of Criminal Minds marathons, Late Night with Conan O’brien repeats, and the occasional Saturday night on Cinemax. You have always been there when I needed you most. But lately I feel like this relationship has become a little unhealthy. Do you know how hard it is for me to get up and leave in the middle of Family Feud, never finding out whether the sassy black family from Jackson, or in-bread white family from Allentown wins the four door sedan? It’s torture! I’ve become an addict. I want to see you all of the time. I daydream about you all day, and nightdream about you all night. I want to lay in your high definition light for eternity and catch every episode ever created of 16 and Pregnant. Did you know that every episode is exactly the same? Spoiler Alert : A girl gets pregnant at 16 and has a baby 9 months later. Her boyfriend is always a loser, and hooded sweatshirts are acceptable attire for any occasion. But it’s you TV. You suck me in. My obsession with you runs deep. Deeper than the pain of my menstrual cramps on day 2 of my cycle. The time has come to cut the cord. I can’t do this anymore. It’s not fair to either of us. I need to go to bed at a reasonable hour and you need to stop playing 9 episodes of Frasier every night starting at 11pm. I need to wake up in the morning and start my day without being sucked in by your temptress Rachael Ray and her 20 minute meals that are never suitable for vegetarians, and you need to stop letting Kelly Rippa be on TV commercials telling me there is enough time in the day for yoga, eating right, electrolux refrigerators and Colgate Total. I need a break. No more TV before 8pm, and no more TV after 1am. I know it’s going to be hard on both of us my darling, but you know what they say… absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Goodbye TV…at least until the new fall lineup has been revealed.
The New and Improved Grown-up Sarah
PS: Remember Sharon, Lois, and Bram’s Elephant Show? No?! Well I’m sorry that your parents didn’t love you.
Hey there adoring fans (I mean it, anyone who’s read any part of this out there)!
So here it is, 12:30’ish am December 21st 2012. I’m still s*itting my pants about the space zombies but I’m going to go ahead and say right now that this blog is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Whether or not the world ends, I’ve taken the time to get back to being myself (a disgusting weirdo)…being creative…and taking risks. I cannot thank all of you readers enough for supporting me along this production. The love and support (and amazing comments…if the world doesn’t end, take note that you can leave comments…) that I’ve received from you guys has been incredible. I have accomplished so many things in these last 66 days that I never would have made a point to do. I’ve also missed a few…
I never met Tina Fey…
I never saw a live taping of SNL…
I never fell in love…
wait for it….
In all of my pursuits to fall in love… man hunting, online dating, hookery (j/k) , I have yet to find that “special someone” (although I have “made out” with several non-special someones…just to be sure). But guess what? I didn’t need to find a man to fall in love with (gasp!). I (as my friend Rebecca predicted) have fallen in love with…myself. I really don’t mean for that to sound vain. Seriously. I didn’t know I had it in me. All of my life, I hadn’t realized that I could become anything except a cute blonde chorus girl (who makes occasional fart jokes) wishing and hoping that one day a gorgeous prince would come along to complete me. Well, news flash to me…you don’t need anyone to complete you…if you are complete yourself (I know, go choke down a bag of granola why dontcha?! Maybe hug a unicorn?!). I’ve grown so much in my 29.95 years of life and it is 100% thanks to all of the terrific friends and family that I have surrounded myself with (PS: my mom’s computer doesn’t have that spell check thing where there is a squiggly red line under anything you spell wrong so this blog post could be pretty bad…plus I’ve drank a bottle(s) of wind…whatevs, it’s the end of the world!). I could go into further detail about these people these “life changers”, but A: they know who they are. And B: I’m going to spend our last hours calling them 🙂
Here’s a fun shot of me and my (amazing) Dad…just cause I love him.
In conclusion: I am so happy to have lived the life that I’ve been blessed with and to have met the most amazing people that the world has to offer. Thank you all for reading my silly little blog, and I wish you all a “Happy Apocalypse!”