Tag Archives: Saturday Night Live

Day 1/31: I don’t mean to w(h)ine…

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Hey there adoring fans (Vaden)!

Now that I’ve organized my schedule (and retired my shot girl short-shorts) to where the first time in my life, I don’t work after 7pm, I’m baffled at why I’m still staying up so late every night?  A tip I took from The Happiness Project (great book…click the link if yo interesante in it) the author mentions how going to bed earlier every night made her happier and more productive.  Well, I want to be happier and more productive, but going to bed early at night hasn’t been possible and I couldn’t figure out why?  Then it hit me.  It’s all due to a little thing I call the cereal vortex...

The Cereal Vortex

Mmmm…I think I’ll have a bowl of cereal.

photonow I’ll just add some milk.

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Delicious!
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Oh no! I have all this milk left and I don’t want it to go to waste…

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I’ll just add a tiny bit more cereal…

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Whoops, too much!  Darn. I’ll just have to add a tiny bit more milk…photo

Yum.

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That 2nd bowl was equally as delicious…there’s still some milk left at the bottom…and children starving in China….what to do?photo

And this, ladies and gentlemen…
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is how we slip into the cereal vortex…photo

4 bowls later…photo

We’re all familiar with the vicious cycle of the cereal vortex.  Sure, you might never leave your apartment on time, and may have to buy some elastic waistband trousers, but all in all the consequences are quite mild.   The more ferocious vortex to look out for is the wine/tv vortex…

The Wine/Tv Vortex

Ahhh, just a glass of wine before bed while I watch that DVR’d episode of Saturday Night Live… 

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Huh, I actually liked the musical guest for once…

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aww nuts, out of wine…

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We’re only on weekend update?

Just a teensy bit more to finish out the episode…

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I can’t believe Seth Meyers is leaving…what a doll!  I’m still on the fence about this Cecily situation…bring back Tina and Amy!

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And then the episode ends and you still have a half of a glass of wine left.

What to do?

You check the DVR.

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And decide to re-watch Modern Family.  It was great the first time around, so it should be even better the second time around…

photoAww crap, I just finished my wine and there’s still 10 minutes left…
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Don’t judge me.

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Dag-nabit!  These 30 minute shlows go by fast when you can sklip the commersals…  I still have a half of a glass of wine left (hiccup).  Luckily there’s a snew Parenthood on RIGHT NOW!

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Oh, come on NBC!  Joe would SNOT leave Julia!  Snot after they pladopted that little Mexican!  Ay! Ay! Ay! I can’t take this…

and nowmy glass is emptly.

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just in time for the 2:00 news…

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If you are a victim of the Wine/Tv vortex like I am, call (212) 222-6160 for support (they deliver plus you get 20% off if you purchase and entire case!)

Day 65 Part II: It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday…

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Hey there adoring fans (I mean it, anyone who’s read any part of this out there)!

So here it is, 12:30’ish am December 21st 2012. I’m still s*itting my pants about the space zombies but  I’m going to go ahead and say right now that this blog is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.  Whether or not the world ends, I’ve taken the time to get back to being myself (a disgusting weirdo)…being creative…and taking risks.  I cannot thank all of you readers enough for supporting me along this production.  The love and support (and amazing comments…if the world doesn’t end, take note that you can leave comments…) that I’ve received from you guys has been incredible.  I have accomplished so many things in these last 66 days that I never would have made a point to do.  I’ve also missed a few…

I never met Tina Fey…

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I never saw a live taping of SNL…

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And…

I never fell in love…

wait for it….

In all of my pursuits to fall in love… man hunting, online dating, hookery (j/k) ,  I have yet to find that “special someone”  (although I have “made out” with several non-special someones…just to be sure).  But guess what?  I didn’t need to find  a man to fall in love with (gasp!).  I (as my friend Rebecca predicted) have fallen in love with…myself.  I really don’t mean for that to sound vain.  Seriously.  I didn’t know I had it in me.  All of my life,  I hadn’t realized that  I could become anything except a cute blonde chorus girl (who makes occasional fart jokes)  wishing and hoping that one day a gorgeous prince would come along to complete me.  Well, news flash to me…you don’t need anyone to complete you…if you are complete yourself (I know, go choke down a bag of granola why dontcha?!   Maybe hug a unicorn?!).   I’ve grown so much in my 29.95 years of life and it is 100%  thanks to all of the terrific friends and family that I have surrounded myself with (PS: my mom’s computer doesn’t have that spell check thing where there is a squiggly red line under anything you spell wrong so this blog post could be pretty bad…plus I’ve drank a bottle(s) of wind…whatevs, it’s the end of the world!).  I could go into further detail about these people these “life changers”, but A: they know who they are.  And B: I’m going to spend our last hours calling them 🙂

Here’s a fun shot of me and my (amazing)  Dad…just cause I love him.

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In conclusion: I am so happy to have lived the life that I’ve been blessed with and to have met the most amazing people that the world has to offer.  Thank you all for reading my silly little blog, and I wish you all a “Happy Apocalypse!”

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Day 25: Are you out there Tina Fey?

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Hey there adoring Fans (John Galgano and lovely wife)

As many of you may know one of my dreams is to meet Miss. Tina Fey before our world is obliterated/ruled by martians/nothing happens and we are all fine.  She is a badass woman who (as you should totes know) was a writer for Saturday Night live, produced her own show 30 Rock,  and wrote an awesome book called Bossy Pants (plus is hilarious in every way shape and form).  So far my spectrum of working on this goal of meeting her runs from writing about it on this blog that reaches 1-12 people,  to occasionally walking around Rockefeller Center hoping to bump into her while wearing the same cardigan and say “Hey Tina!  Look, we are wearing the same cardigan.  Tell me how it is that you got to be who you are, and what the true meaning of life is?”  Unfortunately neither of those tactics have worked out, so I decided to send her a “fan” letter….

I was thinking that since she has children, arts and crafts might be the best way to go…

And then I realized this looks a little too “I just stole your loved ones and now I’m holding them hostage”  so I decided to go in another direction…

…maybe since it’s getting pretty close to Thanksgiving…

I could send her a hand turkey invitation to Thanksgiving dinner!  No, still to creepy?  Even with my headshot glued to the thumb?  Ok, here’s another tactic…

when in doubt, bring in Flat Pam…

And Flat Sarah!

Fingers crossed that this works…I’ve only got 41 days (or the rest of my existence providing that the Mayans are stupid and the world will go on for a very long time 🙂

PS: Isn’t Flat Sarah hot?

Day 16: Audience Participation…

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Hey adoring fans (Steph Seiler and Nichole (Justice) Cwalina)!

So….

“A” of all…

I’m overwhelmed with how many responses I’ve gotten from “adoring fans”! (Plus at how many angry friends that I have who are emailing me that they have yet to be listed as adoring fans… 🙂

I’m so surprised at how many people are reading (and actually enjoying) a blog written by someone with terrible grammar and a degree in Jazz Dance.  I really do (from the bottom of my drunken/splendiforous heart) appreciate each and every one of you that have taken the time to read this silly little ditty that is “my blog”.

And…”B” of all…

I can’t believe that a lot of the feedback is from people that want to help me out with my bucket list!

I’ve gotten emails from friends, relatives, “friends of friends”, “relatives of relatives”, and circus folk, who want to help me out by:  hooking me up with super-cheap Christmas Spectacular tickets (dancing bears and rockettes alike), offering me a few days at their condo in Cape Cod  ( Abby’s fam…lobster roll time!), rides through foliage (J Dogg and wonderful mamasita), and even letting me know that they have a 6th degree of separation from Tina Fey (cousin’s uncle’s step-child!).  I am so excited that you guys are willing to help a “sista” (not entirely sure that I’m allowed to use “sista” that way) out!

Keep in mind that I absolutely do NOT want any “dinero” (that’s spanish for one million dollars) from anyone.  BUT… I would love to know if any of you amazing readers out there know how to help me get “some s*it done before the EOW!”  (I will reward you all greatly with 2-4 butterfly kisses, on or after December 22nd).

Here’s What I’m Looking (and desperate) For Friends…

1.  Does anyone have any connections to SNL and could fill me in on how to get tickets?

2.  Are there any ladies who would like to come wedding dress shopping with me on November 10th, (David’s Bridal, midtown…brunch and mimosas before hand…obviously)?

3.  Any kids (or adults) interested in sending me a Flat Stanley? (I know it sounds dumb, but I don’t have any nieces/nephews, God-kids, or “for ten cents a day you can save Magdalena’s childhood”?  up for grabs to play “Flat Stanley” before the EOW).

4.  Anybody know Tina Fey?  Or maybe some sort of secret handshake I could perform at Rock Center or Gray’s Papaya to get to her?

5.  Anybody want to come to my pre-EOW 30th Birthday Party (probs December 14th or 15th)?  Or have any connections to a great place to throw a pre-EOW 30th Birthday Party?

6.   Anyone really good at photoshop? (who could make me appear 10lbs thinner or look 100k richer in any/all of my photos?)

I think that’s all for now.  If I come up with anymore I’ll let you all know.  Wait!  Is there anyone out there who knows how to beat box…and if so, could you teach a gal in 50 or so days?  If so, you should probably know I played the clarinet for 4th and 5th grade, which would probably increase my learning curve?

And…here is a silly picture of me on a very small tractor.   It has nothing to do with this post, but I was told that media encourages people to read blogs.