Day 24: You’ll love David’s Bridal…

Hey there adoring fans (Desi Davar and Olivia Conroy)!

If you haven’t been paying attention (shame on you…all 3 of you) on Friday night (Day 23) I was paid a visit by a gentleman caller.  On Saturday morning, I said to that gentleman caller the number one sentence that every gentleman caller wants to hear…

“I had a great time last night sir, but now I must bid you adieu to go pick out a WEDDING DRESS!!!”

Yes ladies and gentleman (callers and non callers alike), on Saturday I tried on wedding dresses!

Do I have plans to get married any time soon?  Nope.  But who’s to say that I can’t have a blast trying on beautiful dresses and have strangers dote on me for no good reason (no I do not have a constant need to be the center of attention.  Why do you ask?)?   After all, the world could end in 42 days (or not…fingers crossed).

We started off with a column dress (let’s get real…we started off with Bloody Mary’s).

Then this little number called a “fit and flare” (or as I like to call it “do these feathers make my ass look fat? and flare”).

Then this guy that kind of looked like a nightgown (under impressed face)…

Then I had a talk with the sales woman Sharisse about my boobs.

“Sharisse, you call them wide set.  I call them East-Wests.  Tomato, tomahto.”

Then she brought out the big guns…

I didn’t necessarily find the perfect (fictitious) wedding dress that day…

…but I did have a ball (gown)!

The take away from this experience:

1. The bigger the skirt the smaller your head looks (in a good way).

2.  The friends that you drag out to watch you try on wedding dresses when you’re not actually getting married (and tell you that you look pretty even though they don’t have to because you’re not going to buy any of them anyway) are SAINTS!

3.  Bloody Mary’s + corset = heartburn

4.  Gentleman callers may or may not love being called gentleman callers.

A big thanks to my buds Candice and Aleka for humoring me on a fantastic Saturday afternoon!

And a shout out to saleswoman Sharisse!  Thanks for everything (boob talk included).  Sorry for not buying anything.  And don’t worry, if the world doesn’t end I’ll be in to pick up my bridesmaid dress for my buddy Mary Trotter’s wedding.

Day 16: Audience Participation…

Hey adoring fans (Steph Seiler and Nichole (Justice) Cwalina)!


“A” of all…

I’m overwhelmed with how many responses I’ve gotten from “adoring fans”! (Plus at how many angry friends that I have who are emailing me that they have yet to be listed as adoring fans… 🙂

I’m so surprised at how many people are reading (and actually enjoying) a blog written by someone with terrible grammar and a degree in Jazz Dance.  I really do (from the bottom of my drunken/splendiforous heart) appreciate each and every one of you that have taken the time to read this silly little ditty that is “my blog”.

And…”B” of all…

I can’t believe that a lot of the feedback is from people that want to help me out with my bucket list!

I’ve gotten emails from friends, relatives, “friends of friends”, “relatives of relatives”, and circus folk, who want to help me out by:  hooking me up with super-cheap Christmas Spectacular tickets (dancing bears and rockettes alike), offering me a few days at their condo in Cape Cod  ( Abby’s fam…lobster roll time!), rides through foliage (J Dogg and wonderful mamasita), and even letting me know that they have a 6th degree of separation from Tina Fey (cousin’s uncle’s step-child!).  I am so excited that you guys are willing to help a “sista” (not entirely sure that I’m allowed to use “sista” that way) out!

Keep in mind that I absolutely do NOT want any “dinero” (that’s spanish for one million dollars) from anyone.  BUT… I would love to know if any of you amazing readers out there know how to help me get “some s*it done before the EOW!”  (I will reward you all greatly with 2-4 butterfly kisses, on or after December 22nd).

Here’s What I’m Looking (and desperate) For Friends…

1.  Does anyone have any connections to SNL and could fill me in on how to get tickets?

2.  Are there any ladies who would like to come wedding dress shopping with me on November 10th, (David’s Bridal, midtown…brunch and mimosas before hand…obviously)?

3.  Any kids (or adults) interested in sending me a Flat Stanley? (I know it sounds dumb, but I don’t have any nieces/nephews, God-kids, or “for ten cents a day you can save Magdalena’s childhood”?  up for grabs to play “Flat Stanley” before the EOW).

4.  Anybody know Tina Fey?  Or maybe some sort of secret handshake I could perform at Rock Center or Gray’s Papaya to get to her?

5.  Anybody want to come to my pre-EOW 30th Birthday Party (probs December 14th or 15th)?  Or have any connections to a great place to throw a pre-EOW 30th Birthday Party?

6.   Anyone really good at photoshop? (who could make me appear 10lbs thinner or look 100k richer in any/all of my photos?)

I think that’s all for now.  If I come up with anymore I’ll let you all know.  Wait!  Is there anyone out there who knows how to beat box…and if so, could you teach a gal in 50 or so days?  If so, you should probably know I played the clarinet for 4th and 5th grade, which would probably increase my learning curve?

And…here is a silly picture of me on a very small tractor.   It has nothing to do with this post, but I was told that media encourages people to read blogs.