Hey there adoring fans (Yolanda Suarez)!
A body in motion…stays in motion….
A body watching Frasier...stays watching Frasier.
It’s not you. It’s me. I still love you. I have always loved you. From my childhood summers of Nickelodeon and Sharon Lois and Bram’s Elephant Show. Throughout my angst ridden adolescents and countless afternoons of MTV’s TRL, and after school specials. And finally rounding out my adult life of Criminal Minds marathons, Late Night with Conan O’brien repeats, and the occasional Saturday night on Cinemax. You have always been there when I needed you most. But lately I feel like this relationship has become a little unhealthy. Do you know how hard it is for me to get up and leave in the middle of Family Feud, never finding out whether the sassy black family from Jackson, or in-bread white family from Allentown wins the four door sedan? It’s torture! I’ve become an addict. I want to see you all of the time. I daydream about you all day, and nightdream about you all night. I want to lay in your high definition light for eternity and catch every episode ever created of 16 and Pregnant. Did you know that every episode is exactly the same? Spoiler Alert : A girl gets pregnant at 16 and has a baby 9 months later. Her boyfriend is always a loser, and hooded sweatshirts are acceptable attire for any occasion. But it’s you TV. You suck me in. My obsession with you runs deep. Deeper than the pain of my menstrual cramps on day 2 of my cycle. The time has come to cut the cord. I can’t do this anymore. It’s not fair to either of us. I need to go to bed at a reasonable hour and you need to stop playing 9 episodes of Frasier every night starting at 11pm. I need to wake up in the morning and start my day without being sucked in by your temptress Rachael Ray and her 20 minute meals that are never suitable for vegetarians, and you need to stop letting Kelly Rippa be on TV commercials telling me there is enough time in the day for yoga, eating right, electrolux refrigerators and Colgate Total. I need a break. No more TV before 8pm, and no more TV after 1am. I know it’s going to be hard on both of us my darling, but you know what they say… absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Goodbye TV…at least until the new fall lineup has been revealed.
The New and Improved Grown-up Sarah
PS: Remember Sharon, Lois, and Bram’s Elephant Show? No?! Well I’m sorry that your parents didn’t love you.
Yay grown up Sarah! Hilarious post as always…