Day 73: G is for go to the gym you fat ass…

Hey there adoring fans (Holly Steinberg)!

“It’s going to be a gorgeous sunset.”

“Close the shutters…all of them…”

is the part of the Sex and the City movie that I’m at and just turned off because I promised myself I would write a post before I head off to shot girl land tonight.  You know how hard it is to turn off the Sex and the City movie (the first one obviously…the second one we all know was a racist bust)?

Anywho…my newest goal of taking care of my body is going pretty well.  I’ve been P-gan (pescatarian-vegan) and coke zero free for 3 days now and it’s going great (minus the 10am shakes I get from not having my beloved cancer causing diet soda).  I figured it was time to get my ass back to the gym.

Remember when you were 24 and hot and looked like this while you were working out?

workout 1

Yeah….me neither (also, why is this girl showing her vagina bone at the gym?  Are there specific exercises out there to tone your vagina bone?  Why weren’t they in my women’s health magazine?)

Unlike the girl pictured above, my first day back to the gym after a few months (minus the day I took Flat Pam and Flat Sarah to the gym…whatever happened to those girls?  Oh right, they’re still on top of the Christmas tree) felt a little more like this…


workout 2

You didn’t know I owned a leopard print unitard did you?  I spent  30 minutes on the elliptical, followed by some free hand weights and ….oh no…I’ve become one of those people that thinks other people are interested in what they did at the gym…I hate those people…everyone hates those people…abort abort!

I did however see some pretty interesting pubic hair in the locker room.  I’m thinking about trying some of those designs out.  Stay tuned.

My new goal however is to do 100 crunches a day.  I’m only telling you this because if I say I’m going to do something on my blog then I have to actually do it (this suggestion brought to you by Self magazine….I have too many magazines).

Ps: I really don’t understand how celebrities always look so cute when they’re coming home from the gym…

Reese Witherspoon Leaving The Gym In Los Angeles

And in the rain no less.  Nope.  Here’s how I rock it…

workout 4

You’re damn right that’s a fanny pack.  Jealous?

Ok, eating better and getting back in shape.  You know, just making myself a happier and healthier vomit…whoops…I meant person.  Now, you can vomit.

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