Day 64: Where are you going to be?

Hey there adoring fans (Derek Roland)!

Have you given any thought to where you want to be for the End of the World?  Huh?  You might want to figure that out because the EOW is indeed scheduled for…


See how I incorporated a movie title about the apocalypse into my blog about the apocalypse? Pretty clever huh? Eat your heart out other funny apocalypse bloggers…

So, I’ve put a lot of thought into where I’d like to be for December 21st. Since I didn’t win the lottery, Disney World is out. Since I didn’t meet stupid Tina Fey, her apartment is out (just kidding! I still love you Tina! Let’s be best friends!) And as much as I love my amazing city of New York, the millions and millions of annoying, slow walking, picture taking tourists irk me entirely too much! I can’t have their idiocy on my shoulders when maybe having to go into possible battle with space-zombies. No, the place for me to be is at my parents house…in the middle of nowhere Virginia. This way, I get to spend time (drink lots of wine) with my folks and will probs get a heads up from one of my 1200 friends/acquaintances/people I met one time/people I’ve never met/celebrity-look-alikes on facebook if s*it goes down somewhere. So this morning Ruby and I packed our things, borded a train (not a rental car as I had hoped but am too poor for, but still better than a Chinatown bus where the driver only wears one shoe and spits tobacco every 3/4 of a mile) and headed south!

Ok Ruby. Let’s go!


You wanna know a fool proof way to keep someone from sitting next to you on a train?

Wear headphones…


And sit next to an awesome celebrity like Grey’s Anatomy’s Ellen Pompeo…


So we go on a 7 hour train ride to see the rents (that’s what cool kids used to call their parents in the late 90’s. Super ool right. That’s like cool without the c. Which un-ool people like myself make up when they’re riding a train for 7 hours…or like the sign on my neighbor’s pool growing up that said “WELCOME TO OUR OOL. NOTICE THERE IS NO P IN IT. WE’D LIKE TO KEEP IT THAT WAY…I DIGRESS).

So after watching both “Pitch Perfect” (amazing) and Disney’s “Brave” (not as good as “Tangled”) on my Kindle Fire …I made it!

My lovely Mom picked me up…

And then I came home…
(Well, not the house I grew up in…my parents moved back to Virginia after I moved to New York…that’s why they’re so Southern …and deliciously charming)

The first thing that happened upon arrival: Buddy peed on Ruby (that’s what we call a southern handshake)…

Then I got friendly with Otis (you see, in the South you must own no less than 2 hunting dogs…even if you don’t hunt…and they must have bright green alien eyes…protocol…)

So now that it’s passed 9:30 and the rents (we’ve already discussed the word rents) are off to slumber, I guess Ruby and I shall catch up on some of those cute cat youtube videos that you can’t get enough of …especially before…

You see how I brought another apocalyptic movie back in there? Huh? That’s called a call back joke.  I learned it in my Comedy for Dummies book.  Clever girl …

Ps: Cheers…

We have one of those memory foam beds where a girl in a nighty jumps up and down on the mattress over a glass of wine…Ruby was tired…and left her nighties at home… accidentally.

Pps: holla to the Big Bang…don’t ask.

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