Hey there adoring fans (John.Raterman)!

As the clock of doom is counting down to…well…Dooms Day, I still have yet to achieve my #1 goal…

Meet Tina Fey!

I’m starting to run out of hope that this will ever happen.  I mean, I’ve done everything humanly possible to meet this goddess of comedy (and of pulling off both straight AND wavy hair…that’s not easy fellas).  So far,  I’ve walked aimlessly around 30 Rockefeller Center…

t

Couldn’t find her.
I’ve sent her a fan letter written on a hand turkey.

No response.

And I’ve written a Facebook status update…

I mean.  What else was I supposed to do?!?!  Find out her social security number and hack into her old Frienster account?  Well, I would if I could folks, but I doubt it would get me anywhere. I mean who uses Friendster?   Then it came to me.  A girl at work mentioned that Tina came into the restaurant that she used to work at once.  I got it!  I’ll just go to that restaurant for brunch (bottomless Bloody Marys) and run into Tina Fey while wearing the same outfit that she’ll be wearing and say “Hi Tina Fey.  Look!  We’re wearing the same outfit.  Then Tina will laugh and invite me to come work for her on her new hilarious television show (I have no idea if she’s working on a new show, but if she is I hope it involves Dance Moms and baby penguins…now that’s an idea!).  My plan was fool proof!

Step 1: dress in the exact same outfit that Tina will be wearing…

That you had to borrow from your roommate John…

Step 2:  Go to the restaurant that someone told you Tina went to one time.

Step 3: Stay there for 2 hours (drinking) until she doesn’t show up and brunch is over and your dreams of ever meeting her before the world explodes are crushed…sad face.

Step 4:  Mope about it until your friend gets tired of you and decides to punch you in the thyroid.  Then make up and go to a bar with the most fabulous Christmas decorations ever!

I know you’re out there Tina!  I’ve only got a few days left but I WILL FIND YOU!  ok, I’m sorry about that.  Why does using Caps lock make me look like a serial molester?  Oh and Tina, I found out where you work out…I’LL BE WAITING…sorry again…i’ll be waiting to meet you, except not really because I can’t even afford a smoothie at that place.