Day 54: Guess who fell into the Idiot Taxhole…?

Hey there adoring fans (John Raterman and Franklyn Warfield)!

So, as previously mentioned on Day 53 (what?  you haven’t read Day 53?  you’re never going to become a coveted “adoring fan” with that attitude) I devoted my first 66 bucks of last night’s shot selling money to spend on the lottery.  I mean, the world’s gonna end (or not) anyway.  Why not try to turn 66 bucks into 24 million bucks?  I mean, Jesus turned water into wine, right? (is that not a good comparison?)   Plus, if you don’t win you’re only out 66 bucks (6 bottles of wine…if you’re classy….9 bottles if you’re less classy…and 14 bottles if you’re…well…me), and if you DO win, you’re an effing millionaire (if you get the money within the next 12 days that is…otherwise you’re still a poor single girl with no health insurance who might have been a millionaire if the world didn’t explode..or half millionaire because you owe your good friend Rebecca a percentage…and probs the IRS will take a portion of your winnings…so now you’re what…a quarter millionaire?  Still with no insurance?  But now you can finally afford COBRA.  But that’s probably expired by now.  Whatevs, with a quarter of a million dollars you can probs buy some  freelancers insurance or some s*it…  Maybe get that mole checked out.  The border is looking a tad irregular.  I digress)!

Ok, so last night started as a great shot night.  I made $66 within the firs 20 minutes…


Yep.  That’s me selling shots.  Don’t be jealous of my career path.  Unfortunately the next four hours didn’t go as well.  I don’t understand this new phenomenon of coming out to a bar for a bachelorette party and not pounding shots.  What is wrong with you people.  If you are wearing a tiara made out of glow in the dark penises, you are obligated to do a $5 shot out of a test-tube!  No exceptions.  I don’t care if you promised your fiance that you would only have 2 glasses of  pinot grigio…he’s probably a douche just like you… you blissfully happy whore.!!! Ok, Sarah.  Take a break.  Calm down.




Ok, I’m back.   So basically,  I didn’t make the $350 that I was hoping for.  But that didn’t stop me from spending that first $66 on lottery tickets this morning  (Plus, Rebecca took pitty on me and chipped in  $11 to the campaign…which is why I will only be a quarter of a millionaire when all is said and done).  image

So this morning, after walking the dogs, we headed to our neighborhood gas station (yep.  We’re the only people in Manhattan that have a neighborhood gas station.  Jealous?!) and spent $66 dollars on lottery tickets…


And $1.50 on a coke zero…


$22 was spent on scratch offs…


$22 on Mega Million…


And $22 on Powerball!  Shout out to my homies at BP (don’t worry…none of these guys personally killed New Orleans or baby ducks with a giant oil spill…I swear)!  I visit these guys every morning.  A coke zero a day keeps the doctor away…am I right?  No?  What’s that you say?  Aspartame causes cancer in 10 out of 12 lab rats?  Sounds like something I need to worry about …on December 22nd.


We started out with some positive signs.


Then we spent 20 minutes (and the $22) not winning a single penny on our scratch offs.  Until… with one more left to go…we won!


One dollar…


Which is totally fine because…

A.  I need laundry money.

And B.  On Wednesday night at 9pm we are going to win both the Powerball and the Mega Million jackpots!  Here’s Rebecca filling out our lucky numbers…ie: the numbers she got from her Chinese delivery fortune cookies last night…


PS: Don’t worry.  Rebecca got her portion of the winnings…thus far.


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