I’m not really sure what the “press this” button means. I guess we’ll see! I hope someone out there likes my blog 🙂
Hey there adoring fans (Maria from Cesca)!
So, tonight I had big plans. I was off to see…
The Tree Lighting Ceremony at Rockefeller Center!
We started off at Starbucks for some hot chocolate. Now, should we add milk?
So many choices? Wait, is that a flask? Who put that there?
Which one will I choose?
Twist my arm Starbucks. Twist my arm.
It’s so nice that Starbucks offers Peppermint Schnapps. Who knew?!
So then we walked right on up to 51st and 6th to find ourselves in…
the longest line of all time…
After being herded like cattle (with a lot of A-holes with baby strollers. Just a heads up parents…this is the worst possible place to bring babies…besides a movie theatre…or a fancy restaurant…. or your creepy Uncle Larry’s bathtub), we finally arrived at…
Another really long ass line.
But the good news is…we saw the tree lighting!
Ok, ok. So it wasn’t the famous tree of Rockefeller Center. And it wasn’t even an actual tree. But I was tired of waiting in line so…
…we went to a bar.
After a few beers (only 2! I swear), I came home to watch the Tree Lighting on my DVR. Except our stupid cable screwed up and didn’t record it. Damn you Time Warner (shaking left fist in the air…while right hand pours a glass of wine)! But it was totally ok because we could watch the part I really wanted to see on Youtube…
My friends Kristin and Ryan’s engagement!
Yes, you guys (who’s cable didn’t screw you and you actually got to see the show, ya jerks) these are my friends and their engagement was totally real (despite the terribly phony voiceover)!
Every kiss begins with K? Usually mine begin with J(ameson).
Have no fear readers. I will eventually get to see the famous tree before the end of the world. I’ve got like less than 30* days left (unless Tina Fey shoots me a text message asking me to go on 2 week cruise around the world) I’ve got plenty of time.
*Woops. Being that today in November 29th I’ve only got 22 days left. Looks like it’s time for 2 a days.
Hey there adoring fans (Ben Dogpark)!
Ok, my life has been pretty hectic with these 20 hour work weeks, and I haven’t had time to do some of the bigger things on my list (painting my bedroom, seeing a live taping of SNL, becoming the first female president) but I have done a few small things…
Day 26: I caught up on the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy…
Did you guys know Mr. Feeny (of only the greatest 90’s TV show Boy Meets World) plays a Minnesota-tian cardiovascular surgeon on my beloved (quickly tanking) TV show?
RIP Mr. Feeny
(the character on Grey’s Anatomy, not actor William Daniels)
B-T-Dubs…did you know that Mr. Feeny was also the voice of KIT on Night Rider?
And that he was nominated for a Tony as “Supporting Actor” in a Musical for his lead role of John Adams in the 1969 musical 1776 but couldn’t be nominated for “Lead Actor” because he did not have star billing because his name wasn’t above the title and since Adams is clearly the lead role of 1776 he declined the nomination? Mr. Feeny said “F U” to the Tony’s! Badass Mr. Feeny. Badass.
(this is a picture of John Adams)
Day 27: I went to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center
(No I’m not giving the #1 sign…I’m pointing at the tree, no the tree hasn’t been decorated yet, and no I didn’t run into Tina Fey become BFF’s with her and ask her to read a poem at my fictitious wedding…so stop asking.)
Oops. I forgot Flat Pam and Flat Sarah at home. They were not happy about missing the tree…
(Don’t worry, I promised to take them to work with me for Day 29.)
Day 28: I cleaned my room…
Now that I’m looking for love I realize that it’s
Important to have a clean room in case I (get hammered) have a gentleman caller over.
Even though you can say things like, “I can explain, you see I’m writing this blog where I do silly things and often use props…”
…waking up to the cast of Grey’s Anatomy and my halloween costume from last year (a dress made entirely of dryer sheets…cute right? I had the best smelling costume on 9th avenue) is pretty darn creepy.
Hey there adoring fans (Tommy Casabona)!
Tonight I’d like to introduce you all to a new friend that I have recruited to help me with my EOW endeavors. Ladies, gentlemen, and hobos I’d like you to meet…
You should note that Flat Pam is from Baltimore (hence the Ravens garb. Go Ravens!) and that she was colored with scented markers and smells of grape and rootbeer (never has a lady had her crotch sniffed so frequently).
As you all know (or have no idea because you haven’t read any of my other blogs…shame on you jerks…but also, thanks for reading my blog!), something that I’ve always wanted to do (especially before the EOW) was to have a child send me a “Flat Stanley”. I have no nieces or nephews of my own, and all of my friends who have babies have well…babies. “Flat Stanley” is a school project done by 1st graders all over the country. And I really wanted one….sooooooo, I got one (hooray)!
On Day 16: Audience Participation, I asked any fans of the blog if they knew of anyone working on Flat Stanley’s. My friend Pam (who I grew up dancing with and haven’t seen for 15 years) contacted me and let me know that she was now a 1st grade teacher (long way from a shot girl like myself…not that there’s anything wrong with my profession) and that her class was working on Flat Stanley’s! Oh what joy! She volunteered to send me her Flat Stanley to share with her class.
And yesterday I got my new friend Flat Pam in the mail!
The letter that came with Flat Pam read as follows,
As a part of our class’s “Families Around the World” and holiday units in Social Studies, our class has read the story Flat Stanley. This story is about a boy who wakes up flat (Jesus! It’s like American Horror Story) and goes on many different adventures. One of these adventures includes mailing himself to his grandma in an envelope (I’d mail myself to Ryan Reynolds’ home covered in banana boat tanning oil while holding a picture of Blake Lively looking fat)!
To go along with this story we have drawn pictures of our “flat selves” to mail a relative. If you could please send back a nice note about where you live (Harlem), your holiday traditions (alcohol abuse), and a souvenir or two (hip flasks), our class would really appreciate it. The children love seeing items from around and hearing about different parts of the country and world!
We will be marking a map in our classroom of where each flat child traveled. Hopefully, this activity will open the children’s eyes to many different people (hobos) , places (cock fights), and things (mechanical bull rides) in our country and world! Thank you for your support in making our Flat Stanleys a success!
**Please don’t forget (what are you a terd?) to return Flat Pam with your letter!!**
Flat Pam’s only been here for 2 days and she’s already helped me with so many things…
She helped me Rock the Vote last night in Rockefeller Center…
She’s helped me edit my blog…
She carried her own in the first snow storm of the season…
She helped me warm up with a second (fourth) glass of wine…
And she helped me get a good nights sleep…