Hey there adoring fans (Shane Regier)!

Today’s post isn’t really about a beveling horse…

Although I did come upon this fabulous creature while walking down Central Park South on the way to my “Introduction to your new Mac” class!  (For any of you non-musical theatre kids out there, a bevel is a position that one can stand in to make one’s physique look taller/thinner/sexier/gay-er.  I mean, how sexy is this gay horse?  The bevel is a staple of  the Radio City Rockettes…

which my stubby 5’4” self will never be…whatever…I’m the perfect height for a lot of things…like being in the front line of group soccer photos…if I ever decided to play group soccer…or needing to ask a tall handsome fella to grab me some pickled beets from the top shelf of the grocery store…which leads to a conversation about the pickling industry…which turns into coffee around the corner where you find out that both of your grandmother’s went to the same elementary school…which leads to a second date…which leads to becoming the 3rd Mrs. Ryan Reynolds… I digress…).

So, in keeping with the theme of my blog which is “doing something to better myself on a daily basis”, I’ve decided to…

…call a truce with technology.

Our war has been going on long enough and it is time that I break down and wave my little white “I give up, you win computer/phone/cable box/microwave/curling iron” flag, and learn one or 2 things about how this stuff works.

Which brings me back to the Apple Store on 5th Avenue.  A special thanks to the Japanese family that took this photo and didn’t run away with my cell phone…and didn’t giggle at my two thumbs up as I did not giggle at the peace signs in their photo…I’m lying…I did giggle…but only a little.

I learned a great deal from my Intro to your Mac class…like what the F3 button does, and how to make your screen brighter or duller (which I’m pretty sure most 3 year olds already knew how to do).  Being so excited to learn how to do more s*it, I decided to pay (put on my credit card) the $99 for a years worth of “one-to-one” classes.  The first step was to transfer the crap from my old computer onto my new computer.  Here is a picture of my fantastic helper Shane and his helper in training (who’s name I feel terrible about forgetting…so we will call him Shawn…Shane and Shawn, how adorable) Shawn taking a moment to get acquainted with the oldest living computer on the planet…which is mine.

Puzzled that this was indeed a lap top and not one of the tablets on which the 10 Commandments was written,  Shane went in search of some help from a Tech guy from the Genius Bar (No, they don’t serve drinks there, I already asked).  After a few minutes of sitting quietly and checking my bank account (trying not to cry…then remembering that I am practicing The Secret method and that someone is going to give me a check for 1 million dollars soon) on my phone, Shane, Shawn, and Tech guy came to me with some answers.

Tech Guy: Your computer is using the 2nd operating system ever invented.  It’s the same software that Lincoln used to write the Gettysburg Address (he didn’t really say that…I just wanted to use Lincoln as a reference so I could tag him in this post and maybe get some more hits…Lincoln is doing for 2013 what little people, obesity, and Ke$ha did for 2012…Yes!  Now I can tag Ke$ha…)

Me:  I have no idea what that means.

Tech Guy:  It means that in order to transfer anything from your old computer to your new computer you would have to buy a set of disks to upgrade your operating system.  Unfortunately we haven’t made any of those disks since 2 Pac “died” (nailing it with celebrity tags!)

Me:  Ok.  I have no idea what that means.

Tech Guy:  Well, the quotations around the word “died” mean that it is rumored that 2 Pac didn’t really die, he just went into hiding.

Me:  Duh.  Everyone knows that.  What about my computer?

Tech Guy:  Right.  Well, you just need to buy an external hard drive, transfer each file onto the hard drive, and then transfer the files from the hard drive onto your new computer.

Me: I have no idea what that means.

Tech Guy: I know!  I know!  You stupid stupid girl.  That’s why your paying us $99!  So us smart guys can do really simple stuff for dumb girls and take their money.

Me: So, where did you say your grandmother went to Elementary school?

So, now I have to buy (my roommate John will look online, take my credit card, and buy) an external hard drive.  My goal: to take a class once a week so that I can become tech savvy and maybe figure out how to do some cool things with my blog here.  Oooh, maybe I can make it 3D!  But then how could I get those blue and red glasses out to all 10 of my readers (12 readers now that Shane and Shawn are on board…or they just said they would read it so I would buy more stuff.  Hmmm…).

A big thanks to Shane, Shawn (I’m so sorry I forgot your real name but you were very nice), and Tech Guy (who was not mean at all.  I just wanted to get better ratings.  No one rates this).

How many red headed sluts and blue kamikaze shots does one shot girl have to sell to buy an external hard drive?  I guess we’ll find out…