Hey there adoring fans (Venessa Peruda)!
Today I donated $14. 78 to you and your cause. It fell out of the pocket of my favorite dog walking onesie somewhere between the grocery store and the gas station on the corner of Central Park North. It was wrapped in a receipt for a container of chickpea salad and a small bag of kettle cooked salt and vinegar chips. I was planning on eating the second half of the bag of chips tomorrow, as I am trying to be a bit healthier and knew that 2 servings at 165 calories and 10g of fat in one afternoon was not conducive to my being healthier needs, but after the trauma of losing $14.78 to the streets of New York, I used the second half of said chips to eat my feelings. I know I don’t have much say when it comes to the way you run your world Universe, but if you could take my requests pertaining to the finder of this money under consideration, I would greatly appreciate it.
Please award that $14.78 to someone worthy. Please don’t allow this money to be picked up by a D-bag who uses it to buy something boring and practical like drain-o, or maxi pads. Please let this $14.78 lead it’s new owner to something exciting and adventurous. Maybe a fancy cocktail on a rooftop overlooking the Manhattan skyline (provided that this person has the accurate amount of money on their own to leave an appropriate tip…or else they would be a D-bag which we previously discussed the money would not be going to). Or maybe, this lucky and newly rich person will use the money for a nice ferry boat ride where they could breathe in the fresh Hudson river air, perhaps glance over their shoulder only to notice the most intriguingly beautiful person they’ve ever seen standing at the other end of the upper deck. The intriguingly beautiful stranger may notice them at the same exact moment, and as their eyes lock, a timid smile comes to life on each of their faces, both knowing that this is the moment they will look back on 50 years from now when surrounded by their children and grandchildren while vacationing at their summer home. “Now children, If I hadn’t found that $14.78 on 110th street all of those years ago,” they would say, “I would have never taken that ferry boat ride, would have never met the love of my life, and then none of you kids would be here today. Before I pass on into the great unknown that is heaven, I sure hope I get a chance to meet that poor sap who dropped that money on the street that day, and thank them for changing my life forever.”
And I suppose if neither of those events happen, Universe, I sure hope the recipient of my mishap at least uses the money to go to see SHARKNADO… and splurges for 3-D.
Your beloved yet clumsy follower,