Day 50: The rapist Tuesday…

Hey there adoring fans (Nici Dani)!

This post has nothing to do with rapists.  I just stole The Rapist joke from the Saturday Night Live Celebrity Jeopardy sketch where Sean Connery (Darrell Hammond) choses  the “Therapists” category but instead says “The Rapists”.  It’s quite funny, and terrible all at the same time.  This blog post title does however have to do with me self-therapizing myself today.  You see loyal readers, I had myself a realization walking home from the gym today.  It would have been quite an “eye opener” had it not been raining this afternoon, because based on what I remember from elementary school science is that rain water comes from the clouds which some how absorb that water from the rivers and lakes and if you’ve seen the Hudson there’s no way you would want to open your eyes in the rain here…unless your pupils are craving rat feces.  What is this realization you ask?  Hold your horses!  I’ll get to it after I show you how adorable Ruby is sleeping on the couch behind me…

ruby sleeps

Ok, realization time…

I started this blog originally because I was afraid of the world ending.  Then when the world did not end (thank you Jesus…and Space Zombies),  it evolved into a search for a happier healthier life (while the Space Zombies are at bay).  You know, turning the page to find a new chapter of Sarah?   And it’s been a fantastic journey so far.  I’ve stepped back and had a long hard (that’s what she said) look at my life and started making some changes…

I don’t want to look like this anymore…

fat hooters

So I started dancing, eating right,  and going to the gym.

class 4

I don’t want to be a slave to Musical Theatre anymore…

starlight express

So I stopped auditioning.

no audition

I didn’t want to live like a teenage slob anymore…

trash_hoarding

So I reorganized and painted my bedroom.

paint 19

I don’t want to stress out anymore…

stress

So I started meditating…

meditation 1

Then, as I was brain storming for my next post on the way home from the gym, I finally noticed this pattern.   The problem is… I’ve been spending all of my energy  focusing on the things that I don’t want in my life and haven’t even scratched the surface of the things I do want in life.  Woah.  Go ahead readers.  Get out the dustpan to sweep up the pieces of your mind that has just been blown.

I started to honestly think about what it is I want in life, and not just the “I want to be happy” or “I want to be more stability” or “Can I just get some health insurance please?” things.  I started to think of my actual specific goals, the concrete things, and you know what?  I scared the s*it out of myself.  You see, I think that if I admit to myself or anyone else what I want, what I really truly want, and I don’t achieve it, then I will have failed.  And who wants to be a failure?  Isn’t life just easier if you don’t admit to what you want so that you don’t have to work really hard to get it, because if you don’t work really hard then you can’t blame yourself when you fail because you never tried anyway?  I mean, maybe I’m not good enough to achieve anything beyond being that girl that was on Broadway once and now thinks she’s a writer. Well Sarah, what’s the point of surviving the apocalypse (and Space Zombies) if you’re just gonna keep spinning on that hamster wheel?  It’s time to get down to business.

Here’s what I want for my future…(laugh all you want).

I want the world to read what I write.

I want to be in a movies.

I want to write movies.

I want to write books.

I want to create comedy.

I want to be a billionaire…so freakin’ bad.

And why the Hell not?!  Tina Fey did it.  Mindy Khaling did it.  That girl who wrote that show Girls that I don’t really like all that much (the show, not the writer) but good for her did it.  I can do it.  It’s time to stop running away from the don’ts and start running like Hell for the do’s.

One thought on “Day 50: The rapist Tuesday…

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