Day 33: Punxsutawney Philly

Hey there adoring fans (Drew Humphrey)!

In honor of Groundhog’s day (the movie…not the actual day) I’ve decided to repeat a day over in order to mark another item off of my bucket list before the world ends (this blog originally started 66 days before the end of the world, December 21st….silly Mayans…and was about getting everything I’ve always wanted to do done before we were taken over by space zombies).  I have decided to go back in time (I did not go back in time) and repeat November 15th 2012 (not really) to do a quite amazing thing that I’ve never been able to do before…


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I got a free soup at Hale and Hearty by using my frequent customer punch card thing!

This may not seem like a big deal to some of you highly organized (you don’t lose these punch cards when you have say 8 of the 10 punches punched out) or super wealthy (you can afford 11 full priced soups) people out there, but it is to me.  I’ve been dreaming of the day that I could walk up to this stoic (and slightly annoyed) soup lady and say, “I’ve filled my punch card!  May I please have my free soup!  Hold on.  I think I have enough punches.  Wait.  Just let me find it.  I know it’s here somewhere.  I left it right next to my Regal Cinema’s rewards card.  You can get free candy on Tuesdays with it.  Whoops.  No.  That was a subway card…the restaurant…not the mode of transportation that is highly inefficient on weekends and holidays…and Mondays-Fridays after 9pm…and when you’re running really late to work and all that’s running are stupid express trains….Oh crap, my subway card is expired.  Do your punch cards expire here?  They do?  Dang.  I hope mine isn’t expired.  Give me just a second.  Nicole, would you hold this?  No it’s just an empty case.  There’s no gum in there.  Remind me to get some gum on the way home.  No, spearmint starts to taste like an old stale gin and tonic after a while.  I like the sweet mint, yeah it’s kind of like you’re chewing on some mint chocolate chip ice cream.  Yeah, I’m still off dairy.  No, I don’t miss it too much.  I fart less.  Ahhh!  Here it is Miss.  One free soup!  Thank you so much for your patience.  I really mean it from the bottom of my Hearty!  Get it?  Because you work at Hale and Hearty?  It’s a play on words.  Ok, yes I’ll keep moving.  Jeez, you really should get a sense of humor.  Nope, there’s not a snowball’s chance in Hale that you are going to find me amusing, huh?  Have a nice day.”

It was great day spent with a medium sized (now that I think of it, I’m an idiot.  Who doesn’t get the large size soup when it’s FREE?!  Stupid Sarah) 3 lentil chili soup, and my awesome friend Nicole Mangi!  Nicole recently moved with her husband out to LA and was in town for a visit before she headed to New Orleans for the big Power Ball game tomorrow (where her husband is the set designer for ESPN…I think)  Nicole and I have known each other since Gypsy on Broadway (did I mention I was on Broadway?  Oh, I did?  Quite a few times?  It’s getting old?  It sounds like I’m bragging? I played on a softball league with Patti LuPone’s son.  Ok, I’ll stop).


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Yes, we started the trend of teenie-tiny hats.

We had an amazing conversation about life, the business of show (a fancy way of saying ‘showbiz’ if you didn’t catch that.  If you didn’t catch that you should probably go and hang out at Hale and Hearty on 55th and 8th.  You’ve got a friend behind the counter) and life after 30.   It’s really comforting to know that you’re not crazy and that other people are facing challenges with moving onto different avenues of life.   And also really comforting that someone else has my same affinity for soup on a cold day…

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Even though this post was meant to happen before the end of the world (which didn’t happen….clearly….or else it did and I’m in a weird Truman Show sociological experiment…I’ll know for sure if I run into that guy that played Biff in the Back to the Future movies today….cause he was in the Truman Show… which is a movie…starring Jim Carrey….rent it…I digress…again), I had another great day of pointing my life in the right direction by hanging out with an amazing friend…who promised she would become a subscriber to my blog.  You guys out there should probably subscribe too.  Or else you may miss one of my life changing events here.  Like earning a free soup.

Big shout out to Nicole Mangi, the soup lady, and the Baltimore Ravens.  Let’s kick some Wild Cat ASS tomorrow!!  What’s that?  They’re not playing the Wild Cats?  Who are the Wild Cats anyway?  Oh, they’re from High School Musical aren’t they.  Oh well.  Let’s give it up for Zac Efron…

zac efron

Day 21: Are you ready for some futbol?!

Hey there adoring fans (Mindy Cowan)!

This post is dedicated to all of my male readers.  I realize that you probably haven’t been entertained too much by my last few posts about trying to lose weight, going to ballet class, and do-it-yourself-pap-smears, so today I’m going to write specifically with you fellas in mind as I give you…

the play-by-play of yesterday’s Football games!

The day started out as any other game day that I’m sure you gentleman viewers have gone through with the “picking out of the cute outfit.”  Joining me for the games (among others) were my 2 amazeball neighbors that have recently moved to New York from San Franciso, so I was forced by association to be a 49-ers fan for game one.  I myself am from Baltimore (well, right outside of Baltimore… in the suburbs… I really can’t give you much more than that as one of you I’m sure would like to find out exactly where I was born so that you could use that information to steal my identity…and not in a cute way like that movie that’s about to come out with that hilarious woman from bridesmaids and that guy from Juno…and I think maybe someone said he was in Arrested Development, which I’ve never seen…and then people get mad because apparently it is the type of show that I would love…in conclusion, I’m from outside of Baltimore, and I would really appreciate it if you didn’t steal my identity) so I am by my birthright forced to root for the Ravens (I don’t think that’s what birthright means).

Here right now is a complete breakdown of the playoffs..

As I do not own any NBA gear to support either team, I decided to do some arts and crafts to create some fabulous headgear (a hat…not a retainer attached to a nylon head piece).

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No, that’s not a beer on the table(jeesh, Mom…) it’s balsamic vinegar which I used on my breakfast ‘vegan hoppin salad’ (yep, I’m still on the whole vegan thing…it’s working out really well…my skin is clearer and I’m having a lighter menstrual cycle…wait…this is the post to reel in some male viewers…substitute the word ‘vegan’ with ‘getting fingered in a cab’ and ‘menstrual cycle’ with ‘aversion to roofies’).

Step 1 to making an awesome football match outfit…

Find a trucker hat that you have lying around your apartment (that your roommates voted you get rid of…who’s a hoarder now?!)

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Step 2…use some tape to attach the picture that you’ve drawn to said trucker hat…

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Step 3…there is no step 3.  You’re a 49-ers fan now!

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I do believe that I’m the Martha Stewart of do-it-yourself-millinery (that’s a fancy word for hat making…that I just looked up…so I could sound fancy… substitute ‘fancy’ with ‘like I have Daddy issues’.

Now, I know some of you guys out there like to do this thing called “tail gating” before a game, but as we are New Yorkers and don’t have cars (or parking lots) we…

go to brunch!

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Ok, you guys are not helping me get male viewers…straight male viewers…probably even gay for that matter.  Yes, I know that hurricane’s are delicious…wait, they’re only 5 bucks?  Oh Abby you should totally get one….yeah, get one and then take a picture with Bridget and I where we are smiling and you are making a sexy face…yeah, open your mouth just enough to be “interesting”…that’s it you fiery redhead…the dudes are gonna love this!

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So after about 45 $5 hurricanes and 84 two for one bud lights the 49-ers win and are going to the Powerball!  I have no idea why we were kissing our biceps?  Maybe something to do with the home runs some guy scored?

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Costume change!  Time for game 2!

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How’s it going Jess?  Jess?  Awww, look.  You seem to be having a nice dream.  Probably about some sweet girl-on-girl action on top of a motorcycle  (that one’s for you fellas).

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After 20 more beers, our roommate John finally showed up, and we took a really cute picture…

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Then I guess the Ravens won (which I had to keep asking about because when you’ve had 114 beers and don’t know anything about football you have to ask other cute boys at the bar who won the game).  Hooray, now we can have a Brooks Brothers Superbowl!

football 12I hope you enjoyed my football play-by-play.  If anyone has a 2nd cousin that works for ESPN 3, please send them my blog as I am looking for work.  If they are not interested tell them that I’m ready and willing to do some girl-on-girl action on top of a motorcycle (but substitute ‘girl-on-girl’ with ‘drinking-red-wine-while-watching-American-Idol’ and substitute ‘motorcycle’ with ‘your face’).

Special shout out to friend Megan who is both a Patriots fan and a porn star (she is not a porn star).


PS: if any of you would like to subscribe to my blog to get alerted when I write new posts so that you don’t have to rely on Facebook or that batman like shadow that I post in the sky, please do.  I think there’s a ‘subscribe’ button somewhere.