Day 106: Perspective…

Hey there adoring fans (Tena Michelle)!

Speaking out about National tragedies is never something that I would have done.  I like to make people happy.  I am Sarah the people pleaser.  I write fluff about wearing men’s tighty whities and making low production quality Harlem Shake videos.  I contemplate writing something about yesterday’s tragedy then stop and think, “Leave the serious stuff to those intelligent people out there who really know what they’re talking about.  This is not the time for fart joke writers.”  But then I realized, “Sarah. You are smart.  You are more than fart jokes.  You are a human being who was born on this planet just like everyone else.  Scratch that.  NOT just like everyone else because there is no one in the world exactly like you.  There is no one on the planet that is exactly like anyone else.  And that s*it is science!  Wait.  Are twins exactly alike?  Don’t they have the same DNA?  I seem to recall an episode of CSI, or NCIS, or LSD where one twin got framed for the  kidnapping of a donkey when it was actually the other twin who was the donkey kidnapper but they had the same kind of spit left on a coffee mug?  I guess it doesn’t matter because I’m not a twin.  So (sorry twins) there is no one in the world exactly like me, and I’m going to share exactly how I feel about the bombing of the Boston Marathon yesterday!”  And because I am who I am….I’m going to do it in list form!

How I feel about the Boston Marathon Bombing

(emotions in order of appearance)

Mother F*cking Angry!

Why would someone ever do this?!?!  I can’t even kill a spider!  I literally will capture the spider in a glass or on paper plate or what have you, walk it outside, and set it free.  That gross, probably man-eating spider has every right to be here just as much as I do!  Why would someone hurt another innocent human being?!  And why the supporters of people who are running a marathon?!?!  What could any of them have possibly done to deserve this?!?!  They spent all morning drawing “You can do it Mommy!” signs on a fluorescent yellow poster board, NOT plotting to annihilate hundreds of civilians.  And an 8 year old boy?!!  When I was 8 years old I had just learned that laughing while drinking chocolate milk was a bad idea.  Did this little boy even get the chance to discover that yet?!?  I hope whoever did this gets what’s coming to them!  I want them set on fire!  No, scratch that.  I want them set on fire while simultaneously having to organize a box of scrambled coat hangers (If you’ve ever worked coat check you know how horrible of a task this is)!  I know, I know.  I’m not supposed to want to harm anyone, and violence doesn’t solve violence. But it’s so hard not to wish infinite pain upon these A-Holes.  In my heart, I just really need this/these f*ckers to learn that what they did was horribly horribly wrong…and maybe all of the man-eating spiders that I’ve freed over the years will form an army and hunt out who ever this person/these people are and teach them said lesson.

Confusion

What am I supposed to learn from this?  I need to learn something from this.  I need something good to come out of something so horrible.  Am I to recognize that I should probably start living my life to it’s fullest because you never know when it’s going to end?  If so, then how do I do that.  I’m pretty good at living life (refer to Day 104: Home Alone and 30… or Day 52: Wine Rack Wednesday...) but I do spend some of my time doing things that don’t make me happy.  Like working for soul suckers.  But I need money to pay rent and afford this computer that I love to write on, and be able to go to my best friend’s wedding this summer, and to order in Thai Food.  So, if I’m supposed to learn that I need to live my life to it’s fullest, how the heck am I supposed to do things that make me happy 100% of the time?  Eating cheese fries all day every day would make me ridiculously happy, but I weighing  500 lbs would not.  Never having to work at a crap job until my career plan pans out would make me really happy, but having no money and living with hobos would not.  Then I start to wonder that money and food probably shouldn’t be the only things that make me happy and that those are things that I should probably discuss with a therapist but then remember that I don’t have a therapist because I don’t have health insurance and then wonder if I should just get a job at Trader Joes or Starbucks so I could get health insurance and then get a therapist to talk about my food/money problems with, but realize that working at neither of those places would make me happy and then I’m back where I started.  (Note to self.  Remember what makes you happy besides eating and money.)

Confusion Part II

What if?

What if this was a Chicken Soup for the Soul type of situation.  You know, like the story about the little boy at school who sees another little boy walking home from school all alone and decides to talk to him, only later to find out that the lonely little boy walking by himself had a gun in his bag and was going to kill himself when he got home because he didn’t have any friends and by talking to him, this other little boy saved his life?   Was this what happened to those horrible people who committed these crimes?  Only instead of taking their own lives, they directed their anger onto the people of Boston?  Don’t get me wrong, whatever bad things had happened to them in the past is no excuse for what they did, and I’m still sending my army of spiders to attack them.  But, was someone really mean to these people that did this?  If we were all really nice to each other would the world be a hate free place?  Or are some people just pure evil and there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it?

TERRIFIED

If this can happen at the Boston Marathon then it can happen anywhere.  Was it planned to happen at the New York City Marathon, and because it got cancelled by that bitch Hurricane Sandy, did the evil doers move on to the next big city?  Is Hurricane Sandy not really a bitch at all, but rather an angel protecting my beloved home?  And is it terrible for me to be thankful that it didn’t happen here?  Today, I’m off to see a taping of the Daily Show in midtown.  Should I be terrified?  Should I just do what I know my parents are secretly wishing and move to Virginia?  Is Virginia even safe?  Of course not.  A small elementary school in Connecticut wasn’t even safe.  No one is safe.

Just Plain Sad 

😦

Neither words nor this  frowny face above can justify what I feel for the people who are suffering from this tragedy.  It’s just not freaking fair and there’s nothing that I or any of us can do to change it.  I hate being helpless. I hate seeing things that I can’t fix.  Should I go donate blood?  Should I volunteer at a mental health clinic.  Should I not have spent the whole weekend sitting on my couch drinking wine, watching TV and sleeping in, instead of going out and enjoying the world because now there are 3 people who won’t get to see another day on this beautiful planet?  Should I be mad at myself for being upset about trivial things like work, money, or the pesky 10lbs that I can’t seem to lose when I should be thankful that I didn’t lose me best friend or my own leg in an act of hate?  Should I spend more time with my family because there are people that lost theirs?  Should we spend every day following this story and learning about each individual who was harmed and what new leads have been uncovered?  Or would that attention only be exactly what the horrible people who did this wanted?

Conclusion?

I don’t know what the answer is.  I don’t believe anyone does.  I know that I am sad, and that the sadness will pass sooner for me than for those most closely affected by yesterday’s events.  I suppose I am just going to try to make the happiest life for myself as possible, try to make a few folks smile along the way, and pray for the families that were affected by this tragedy…and maybe send out a call to my spider army.

God Bless you.

And God Bless Boston.

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(Picture of North Shore Music Theatre’s cast of GYPSY on our day trip to Boston…I love that place…)

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