Hey there adoring fans (Matty Wilson)!
I don’t think Jesus knew what lay inside Pandora’s box when he invented certain things: cheese from a squirt can, a bra that holds an entire bottle of wine (see Day 52: Wine Rack Wednesday!) and the most evil/amazing service of them all…Netflix! I mean, sure, he did a great job by bringing us Tivo (remember Tivo? Or do you just remember Miranda Hobbes liking Tivo? or do you even appreciate that I google imaged Tivo so that I could show the proper color palette?), followed by DVR and Primetime on Demand, but even those inventions required a picking up of the remote to fast-forward through commercials or at least a good minute or two of watching pre-paid advertisements to convince us to spend our time watching other shows rather than playing with our children (error: you playing your children) or taking a stroll through the park (error: going to the liquor store). But then Jesus, the Devil, the creator of Popples, and Snowball (my albino bunny rabbit from growing up who always had menacing red eyes) got together for their weekly poker night and after a few Jameson shots came up with the idea of Netflix. Gone are the days where I would say things like “Don’t worry Abby, I’ll load the dishwasher during the next commercial break,” or “Ok, Sarah. If you’re going to spend your evening at home watching TV and eating Thai food, the least you can do is a few crunches whenever you see that adorable GEICO Gecko.” Yes America, the reason why we are fat with dirty dishes and un-taken-out recyclables is because of Netflix. And all because of Netflix, my last Friday night was spent NOT dancing on table tops, skinny dipping in the dark, or having a menage trois’ like adorable teen icon Katy Perry* would have recommended, but it was spent watching Netflix. Now, as I do realize that I need to write a blog about this experience (what could be more entertaining than someone writing about watching TV? Oh, I know…watching paint dry…or just watching TV yourself…duh) so instead of going for my usual RomCom or 15th episode of Arrested Development (I know! I got a late start on it, but this show is hilarious!) I decided to broaden my horizons a little bit with a documentary. After all, I am trying to improve my life here, and what better way to do that than to stay informed about the world around me. Plus you don’t have to read anything! The documentaries provide all of the one sided facts you need on any topic you could think of: food, sex, small super skinny third world country children with bugs constantly landing on their eyeballs, fat white guys who make beer/grow pot, or a little robot that cleans up our planet’s mess so us humans can go on a space cruise and drink food through a straw while losing bone density (ok, ok, that was Wall-E but it’s basically a documentary from the future. No? You don’t think so? Well no one asked you Snowball so take your creepy eyeballs and get out of here!) I started with one documentary, but quickly fell down the slippery slope of Netflix/humanity with 2 more and finally hit the bottom of the barrel…and my wine bottle. I’ve chosen to review these movies with a poem (because I’m super artsy and deep (that’s what he said!):
First up: Vegucated
Roses are red,
violets are blue.
Our planet is dying,
because of cow poo.
Second Up: Inside North Korea
(with that chick that was on the View a long time ago)
A haiku …
This sh*t is crazy
Don’t go to North Korea
Because you will die.
Now I needed something to cheer me up. My BF, Netflix, needed to show me something funny about the world we live in which brings me to our third and final movie…
3. Joan Rivers!
(is surprisingly sad)
There once was a woman named Joan,
whose face makes you just want to groan.
She still is alive,
at age seventy-five
But I’d much rather watch Home Alone.
I give up! This poor woman’s story should be so inspiring, but at the end of the day, it’s just as depressing as veal marsala, and North Korean karaoke parties.
And I’m done. Time to put on Wall-E, at least there’s a happy ending there…kind of.
Alright alright. I didn’t watch Wall-E (couldn’t figure out how to use the Blue Ray player when my roommate John is not here). I’ve thought about my night of documentaries and came up with a moral for these stories…well, two of them anyway. The Moral of Vegucated and Inside North Korea: It’s easy to ignore what’s happening in our world and to continue going on with our easy peazy lives. It’s a lot harder to stand up and fight or let alone recognize what’s happening to other people’s/animal’s rights, and I am very thankful for the people who produced these movies for pulling the wool from my eyes to show me what’s really going on in slaughter houses/North Korea (it’s odd how similar these 2 things are). All 12 of you reading this should totally watch these movies!
As far as Miss. Joan Rivers is concerned…
I commend her on working hard against all odds and paving the way for female comics. I just wish she wasn’t so sad all the time, but then again, she is human (64%) and should not have to be happy for the likes of me. I do really hate when I walk into a room without a smile on my face and then have a friend ask me “what’s wrong?” I get that I’m the life of the party 90% of the time (you’re welcome), but that doesn’t mean that I have to be it 100% of the time…does it? Now I feel horrible about wishing that Joan Rivers wasn’t so sad. I take it back! Be sad all you want sister! Live your life! Viva Las Vegas! So there’s my take away. Be who you are, and feel how you want to feel, and stop giving a f*ck about what anyone else has to say about it.
*If any of you would like to subscribe to my blog to get alerted when I write new posts so that you don’t have to rely on Facebook or that batman like shadow that I post in the sky, please do. I think there’s a ‘follow’ button somewhere.*