Hey there adoring fans (Stephanie Hilton)!
Confession: I am the sloppiest person known to man. I’m talking, if I was left to my own devices I would probably be a hoarder. Luckily though, I live with my 2 roommates, John and Abby, who are both extremely neat and organized. I’m talking when they have an extra 15 minutes to spare they clean the bathroom or run the dishwasher…OCD right? Cause if I have an extra 15 minutes to spare I do things like watch the middle of Criminal Minds where I have no idea what’s going on because I didn’t see the dead body in the beginning and have to leave to go to work before I find out who is responsible for the dead body that I didn’t get to see. And if I’m lucky it’s a Mandy Patinkin episode and not a Joe Mantegna episode…although he is starting to grow on me. So, as I am working on creating a happier and healthier life for myself. I have decided to nip this ongoing messiness in the bud. I googled “How to be more neat and organized” and came across the same advice over and over, which was…
In order to be organized, you must first get rid of all of your clutter.
And boy do I have a lot of clutter, especially in my closet. I enlisted my fabulously neat roommates to help me out.
And to add drama, I’ve decided to use the same technique as Carrie Bradshaw and her friends did while cleaning out her apartment in the Sex and the City Movie…the first one…we’ve previously discussed how the second one shall never be mentioned again.
For the purposes of this blog, the signs “TAKE” will be used as votes for items that I will keep (in SATC the girls used “TAKE” as in “take these items with you to your new sexy penthouse that your rich boyfriend who is about to leave your ass bought you), and the signs “TOSS” will be used as a vote for items that I should get rid of…”Thanks Captain Obvious”…”Your welcome,” annoying theoretical voice. Now let’s get this party started.
Let’s start with this lovely hat that my friend Margot De Labarre knitted for me 7 years ago while doing the musical White Christmas in Detroit…
And the vote is…
Good, because I really like that hat.
Now what about this crap load of yarn that I got that same day in the hopes to knit (learn how to knit ) a scarf that matches the hat?
And the vote is…
Really you guys? You have such little faith in me. Ok, fine. I’ll toss it. What’s next?
Ok, how about this White Christmas hat that I bought in hopes that I would wear it every Holiday season while on tour with this show?
Side note: I have not been hired to do this show in the last 4 years…which is totally fine…I don’t need your stupid health insurance/401k anyway…I can do my own pap smears…at home…with a few Q-tips and a milk jug….
What do you say guys?
(yes, this is the same photo as I already used…sorry ’bout it…my roommates are annoyed enough having to take 47 pictures of me a day doing weird s*it, I’m lucky I got them for this one).
Sam Adams Oktoberfest hat?
Pabst Blue Ribbon trucker hat?
And St. Patrick’s Day headband with antenna…
You guys are going to be so sad you voted this way next Oktoberfest, St. Patty’s day, and National White Trash day (yes, I made up National White Trash day…I think?)
What about this PBR cowboy hat?
Ok. I’m getting a little tired of this negative attitude (and this picture). What if I told you I had one for each of us?
That’s what I thought you might say (with another stock photo).
My Halloween costume from 2011 made entirely out of dryer sheets. What was I? The Dyer Sheet Fairy…obvi (that’s what the kids are saying instead of obviously these days…I read it on the twitter).
What do you guys think?
F U John. I spent like 17 hours making this. What? No, I haven’t worn it since 4 am November 1st 2011, but I could wear it again some day? Did you see the sock on the back?
No. Still not good enough for you? What about the shoes?
No?! You suck (and yes, I probably should have re-painted my toe nails before I took this picture). I’m getting a 3rd party’s opinion. What say you 3rd party?
Fine. Guess who’s not getting fed later? It’s you, Ruby…it’s you.
(Don’t worry, I’m still going to feed her. Please don’t call PETA).
Here’s one you’ll like John. A little Gypsy swag (John and I were in Gypsy on Broadway together. The producers gave us this G-string on Opening night. It says Patti LuPone Gypsy. Excuse me while I pick up the name I just dropped…that only musical theatre people probably know about).
And the vote is…
Thanks John! You suck Abby What’s that? Why, yes. I did draw this picture on the back of an envelope. I accidentally deleted the real life image from my camera. Pretty good resemblance, no? I may give up blogging and shot girl-ing to become a professional illustrator. Watch your back Chris Van Allsburg…the illustrator of Jumanji and other various children’s books…like the Polar Express…who may or may not be dead…the author, not the Polar Express)
Alright, how about these pants that have holes in the crotch for various reasons…
Everyday wear and tear from morning dog walks over the past 4 years..
Reaching down to pick up your keys which you dropped in the elevator after a long night of rescuing puppies (drinking)…
And last butt not least (see how I did that? …butt with 2 “t’s”…you gotta play to win with these jokes guys…gotta play to win)
From doing a jump split at a gay karaoke bar after being challenged to a dance off by a 22 year old kid.
Which I totally won.
What do you think guys? No? Come on. How about we ask former roommate and future Mrs. Ben Gonzalez…(who is lounging in her office…in Pullman Washington).
Ok. Fine. Not quite sure why you’re laying on the couch like that. Are you trying to seduce me Mary? Well, it’s working.
Ok, I’m getting tired (drunk). How about you help me out with some more stuff Abby Church…
Purple Unitard. Go!
Love it! In the words of Buddy the Elf “Very purple-y”.
Ok John, it’s your turn. You wouldn’t let me keep my dryer sheet Halloween costume, but what about this Little Red Riding Hood costume from 2008?
That’s a keeper…
Special shout out to John’s mom, Hi Diane!
Ok, thanks team. I think we’re done for the day. Now, off to the salvation army. I think they’ll be happy to have all of those dryer sheets…they’re spring rain scented….atleast they were in 2011…